Medley
by stephell
Summary: A MP case takes Danny and Martin to Utah while the rest of the team works in NYC between working the case Sam and Martin separately reflect on their past relationship and possible future.
1. Chapter 1

Medley

Chapter 1:

**Everybody's Fool**:

_Look her she comes now_

_Bow down and stare in wonder_

_Oh how we love you_

_No flaws when you're pretending_

_But now I know she never was and never will be_

_You don't know how you betrayed me_

_And somehow you've got everybody fooled_

_Evanescence: Fallen, 2003_

The small plane's engine hummed steadily as it traveled across the rugged terrain. Danny alternately stared out the window of the plane at the scenery below what he could see of it in the darkening sky and his partner on this assignment, Martin Fitzgerald.

They'd been assigned to travel to Utah to interview people that had had contact with their current missing person David Braxton. The man's family lived in New York City and he spent as much time there as he could when he wasn't working an incident. Braxton works for the U.S. Geological Survey (USGS) and specialized in analyzing wildfire risks, reduction of associated hazards, support during an incident and after incident assessment.

He had been in the Manti-La Sal National Forest in the Abajo Mountains in Utah overseeing some controlled burns to remove heavy fuel buildup, the easily ignitable grass, branches, logs and undergrowth in areas where, if a fire were to start unbeknownst to anyone, it could rapidly reach wildfire stage. The idea was to prescribe a burn, otherwise known as a control burn, in order to clear out some of this area and reduce the risk for a wildfire.

He had completed the first phase of the work and had headed to NYC to see his family and be with his wife during the birth of their third child and all had appeared fine initially. However, once he was reported missing the team had uncovered a series of phone calls, emails and even letters through the mail that all were vague but definitely threatening in nature. Since many of the messages contained references to his current work in Utah Jack thought it best to send two members of the team to conduct interviews on site.

Samantha was four months pregnant and easily crossed off the list for several reasons since inhaling the smoke plus trekking through the rugged terrain with little to no cell phone communication and medical personnel prepared for burns, not pregnancy complications were all realities of this assignment.

Vivian also was just as easily crossed from the list as she was splitting her time between heading up a multi-agency task force investigating human trafficking and the MPU and she needed to be in the city to handle both jobs with any level of effectiveness.

Jack could have sent Elena but decided two things stood in the way of that, first, her background was not likely to aid in the investigation in the back country of the mountains. While Elena was a solid agent and able to handle any assignment as well as the others, time was of the essence and her city background was going to hinder her if not her gender and her ethnic background; in Jack's mind it was just three strikes against sending Agent Delgado.

That left Danny and Martin as Jack preferred to maintain point at the office since his second logical commander, Vivian, could too easily be called away to work on the task force and he wanted to stick close.

Danny stared out the plane's window at the slight glow in the distance. Dusk was falling and with the darkening sky he could begin to make out the rosy coloring indicating the location of at least one if not more of the blazes. He knew their plane wasn't going to fly anywhere near the inferno, no, they would land at a nearby airport in Monticello, Utah and then drive to Base camp where they would conduct their interviews. Still, even from this distance the glow was both beautiful and eerie as he knew what it signified.

The Abajo Mountain area was not set to begin phase two of the prescribed burns until David Braxton returned but, since his disappearance, two days earlier, a creeping fire in one of the prescribe burn areas had broken out and since creeping fires burn with a low flame and spread slowly no one had seen it until it crowned out and became a crown fire, meaning that it advances from tree top to tree top. With conditions favorable to fire and no one noticing the creeping fire until it crowned it grew rapidly and when the wind caught embers at the tree tops it carried them, spreading them over a large area causing a cascade of spot fires that led to a blowup.

The good news was that no one was in the area when the blowup occurred, the bad news was that the fire was able to establish itself fairly well and what had been an incident for prescribed or controlled burns now became a Project fire, Incident Command was established and temporary infrastructures sprang up, base camp, spike camp, fire camps with teams pouring into the affected area to regain control.

Danny and Martin were already en route from NYC when word came that their investigation was going to be slowed due to the demand of the fire crew. Jack sent them anyway knowing they could stay at base camp and gather some background information and then once the fire was confined, which the FIO or Fire Information Officer indicated should happen quickly since, although the fire had established itself quickly and spread quickly, they had a lot of equipment and personnel readily available and were optimistic they'd have it back under control within 24 – 48 hours on the outside.

So Danny sat on the small commuter plane he and Martin had transferred to in Denver and alternately stared out the window and at his partner. Shifting his glance again away from the window to Martin he chuckled quietly at the change in appearance for both of them. Most of the time their assignments required them to wear suits and ties but since they were headed into the rugged country, they'd foregone their usual attire and were both wore hiking boots and blue jeans, and dressed in layers, t-shirts under jerseys and FBI windbreaker jackets on top, not high fashion in the city but certainly perfect for where they were headed.

They had been told they would be given proper protective gear and on-site instructions when they reached base camp; standard procedure, they'd never be anywhere where they'd actually need the training or the gear but those were standing orders.

Martin had been quiet during the trip spending his time reading all the information they had on the crew members they were going to interview, background information on their missing person and also any information the Forest Service gave them on the fires and the terrain. Martin liked information, liked the mountains, was good with numbers and easily crunched the financial information for prescribed burns, fires for the past ten years both prescribed and otherwise. He even had a map of the area they were going in and Danny had watched him marking entry and exit routes and other reference points.

Danny didn't mind that Martin was reading and preparing, he too had been doing the same thing, what bothered him was that he and Martin had traded the files and folders and articles back and forth and jotted notes and compared and planned strategies during the flight from NYC to Denver.

What bothered Danny was that Martin was going through it all a second time and that Danny didn't understand. He'd worked with Martin for over five years now and the man's brain was sharp, not as sharp as his own, of course, but still the guy could hold his own just fine. Martin didn't need to reread the information; Martin was obsessing over the information so as not to obsess over something else. Danny was determined to find out what the 'something else' was.

"So, how is it we're stuck in the dog house and sent on this mountain trip and the rest of the team gets to stay nice and comfy back in the city?" Not the greatest of icebreakers but Danny was a bit desperate.

"Speak for yourself, Danny, I'm happy to get out of the city." Martin replied glancing up from the file he was rereading.

"Well, I for one had plans this evening; actually, Elena, Sophia and I had plans."

"Mmm."

"So, no plans, Martin Fitzgerald, all work no play that seems to be you everyday."

Martin glanced up sharply and Danny could see there was a glint of anger in his eyes.

Well, I've found at least one button to push, let me try another.

"When was the last time you had a date?"

This time Martin ignored him.

That didn't take long, when Martin ignores me I know I've gotten to the root of the problem.

"You know, if you're having trouble finding someone and I know you would be having trouble," Danny raised a hand in surrender as Martin shot him a look of pure hostility, "Not cause you're not a happening guy or nothing but simply because you work, work, work is all I'm saying—"

"I don't need any help finding a date. I can go on a date pretty much whenever I want to."

"So why don't you?"

Martin sighed, "Just not too interested in anybody these days."

Such a simple statement and it spoke volumes as Danny watched the look of sorrow that flashed across Martin's face and heard the regret in his voice.

"I'm sorry, man."

"You know, it wouldn't be so bad if we didn't lose the friendship and—" Martin stopped and appeared to be thinking on whether or not to continue.

"And?" Danny prompted, his friend had been in the blues for weeks now and Danny was determined to snap him out of it and this trip was perfect since there was no one but themselves.

Martin glanced at Danny and saw the look of real concern and friendship and decided to hell with it, he didn't owe her anymore especially after what had happened earlier that week, "And if she didn't keep throwing Jack in my face." There he'd said it.

"Jack? I'm confused, what does Jack have to do with it?"

"You really don't know? Huh, Samantha wasn't certain if you did or not."

Danny was truly confused; he didn't know all the reasons that Sam and Martin had broken up although he'd heard little bits of their exchanges in the office and guessed that Sam had some commitment issues and that Martin was getting tired of hiding their relationship.

Danny used to tease Martin about his romantic views and his straight-up dating philosophy but since he and Elena had become an item he'd realized that Martin really had had the right idea all along and he liked being in a mature and healthy relationship with Elena and he loved Sophie and wasn't at all adverse to having an instant family in his life.

Danny remembered asking Sam why she was hiding her relationship with Martin when it was so obvious that they were great together and he sensed trouble when she'd hesitated at answering but since they were at work and right before she could answer they'd been interrupted by another agent giving them some information he'd not given it another thought.

"Sam wasn't certain if I knew what?"

Martin shook his head slightly before looking him straight in the eye, "She and Jack had a little fling a while back."

Danny sat back in his chair stunned whatever he'd expected to hear it wasn't that. Sure he knew that Sam and Jack had an easy familiarity with each other but so did he and Jack and he sure hadn't had a 'fling' with Jack.

"When?" Oh, God, Danny thought, was that why the two of them broke up, was she seeing both of them at that time? Wait---

"Apparently it happened before I joined the team and it was only a few months and it was over—well, it was over for Jack that is." The bitterness in Martin's tone snapped Danny out of his wandering thoughts and he focused his attention back on his friend.

"Is that why you two broke up?"

"It was a number of things, not the least of which is that I was absolutely in love with her and certain that I could fix all her phobias, her like of men that are unavailable, her liking of complicated, messy relationships. I thought I could change her mind about a couple of kids, a dog, a little house, stupid now that I look back but at the time I was so taken by her strength and vulnerability, her beauty and brains that I just was willing to take the chance."

"So you knew for two years she and Jack—" Danny was stunned. He'd worked with Sam longer than Martin and he hadn't known, how is that Martin had figured it out so soon?

"Two years—no, do you think I knew--, No, Danny, right about the time Jack announced he was going to Chicago is when I learned that she and Jack had---anyway, our friendship had grown and we'd been flirting and then I'd saved her life…now that I've looked back on it, several times, I realize that I was just available at a time when she felt like she was being abandoned, so she took her consolation prize, me."

"Martin, I don't think that's how she saw you." Danny interjected, he'd seen the looks on Sam's face at times when she didn't think anyone was watching her watch Martin, and she had had looks of pure happiness on her face. Danny also remembered the anguish on Sam's face when he'd interrupted her trying to call the hospital for information on Martin's condition after he was shot and how scared she was that she was going to lose him.

"Yeah, well, I'll let you in on a secret, Danny, I knew, I knew for so many months before I finally ended it that once Jack stayed I had no chance and to be honest with myself, even if Jack had stayed away I'd still have had no chance. It's hard to be in a relationship, a committed relationship, with someone who sees you as second choice, second best, not worthy."

Danny had had enough of this, both Sam and Martin were his friends and while Martin wasn't really pounding Sam as much as he was telling his side of their history together and how he viewed it, Danny wasn't going to watch Martin pound himself either.

"Yeah, well if you're her second choice, then why did she ask you to be her Lamaze coach?"

"What makes you think she did that?" the surprised look on Martin's face spoke volumes to Danny, gotcha, my friend, you're not getting away with pounding yourself or heaping loads of emotional baggage on Sam.

"Because I heard her."

"Tell me what you heard." Martin countered stonily.

"I was in the conference room sorting some past files to go back to archives and it was early evening and everyone else but you, me and Sam had already left and I heard her ask you to be her Lamaze coach."

"What else did you hear?"

"Nothing, I didn't want to pry on you two, I was just glad that you both seemed to be finding your way to be more comfortable around each other so I quietly closed the door."

"Well, I'll let you in on a little bit of what happened, first of all it wasn't only you and Samantha and I that were left in the office; Jack was still in his office. Secondly, I was gathering up phone records and financial records at the conference table in the middle of the bullpen getting ready to take them to the file room and watched as Samantha finished a phone call, packed up her desk, grabbed her bag and walked out of the bullpen giving me a "night" on her way by.

I collected all the papers and boxed them at my desk where I had a clear view of Jack's office. Inside his office with the door closed stood Sam and she was talking to Jack. She was doing her usual twisting of her hands when she's all nervous about something. She finished saying whatever she was saying and I watched as he sat back and said nothing and then he shook his head from side to side.

As she got a stunned look on her face of complete disbelief I turned away, carried the box to the file room and came back. When I got back about ten minutes later she was sitting in my chair. As I approached she got up and did the same little act of the nervous twisting of her hands and then she said that she'd signed up for Lamaze classes and that she'd be needing a coach and she wondered and hoped that I'd be her coach and then she held out a sheet of paper that she'd written the date and time and location of the first class."

"Wait a minute, so you think she asked Jack first and when he said no you think she came to you? For all you know she could have been asking him to assign her out in the field more, you know how he's been holding her in the office. You're assuming facts that aren't in evidence, pal."

"Yeah, well the phone call she was finishing at her desk was her signing up for Lamaze class since I heard her use the word coach, and repeat the date and time. I also know she scribbled a note on a pad of paper on her desk and heard her tear it off as she left her desk and walked by me. When I saw her in Jack's office she was holding the paper while she was twisting her hands and when she handed me the sheet of paper it was pretty crumpled from someone twisting it in their hands and it had the date and time that she'd repeated back to the person on the phone.

You know, Danny, I was born at night, it just wasn't last night. No matter what I do or don't do or who I am or how I change and grow I'll never be good enough for her. I'll always be her second choice. She gave her heart to Jack."

"The problem with that, Martin, is that Jack doesn't want it." Danny said softly.

"You know what the bigger problem is?" Martin countered.

Danny shook his head silently.

"She still has mine."

**Everybody's Fool:**

_Perfect by nature_

_Icons of self-indulgence_

_Just what we all need_

_More lies about a world that_

_Never was and never will be_

_Have you no shame don't you see me_

_You know you've got everybody fooled._

_Evanescence: Fallen, 2003_


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Some disclaimers I forgot to put in Chapter 1:

1. I own nothing; my cat and dog have made it clear they own me.

2. This is not meant to suggest anything about WaT's current horrible Sam pregnant storyline...like I fully expect the writers to do as they have done so frequently in the past, baby here is just a prop (like addictions, PTSD, Danny's brother, Martin's father, Jack and Anne, Vivian's heart...here today; gone tomorrow)

3. The CA fires reminded me I intended to do this story months ago (when fires were threatening a friend and her family, neighbors in WA -- thankfully they all came through fine.)

4. I've done enough research to sprinkle in some correct terminology, do not expect or even presume I actually know what I am talking about as I make no representations that I do.)

Finally, I write what I like and I hope you enjoy. If you don't, I'm sorry. If you do, great and if you want to let me know, greater still.

:-)

Enjoy. Laurel

Medley

Chapter 2:

**Taking Over Me**:

_You don't remember me_

_But I remember you_

_I lie awake and try so hard_

_Not to think of you_

_But who can decide what they dream?_

_And dream I do…_

_Have you forgotten all I know_

_And all we had?_

_You saw me mourning over my love for you_

_And touched my hand_

_I knew you loved me then_

_Evanescence: Fallen, 2003_

Sam lay on her couch thinking how her life had changed in the past couple of months. She'd known within a few weeks of that night that she was pregnant. How could she have been such a fool? Well, not so much a fool, she'd use birth control and so had he, still what did it mean when she, who always prided herself on not bringing her personal life into the office, now wore it front and center where everyone could see.

She'd always been so in control, so untouchable. She could flirt and hold her own in any situation and while she bristled when men in her field commented first on her physical appearance she'd always been able to back up her status with her abilities.

Now her life was spiraling out of control and had been for so long she didn't even know when it had first started. She supposed the first time was when she had met Jack; her attraction was instantaneous, hot, exciting, forbidden. Even now so many years later it stirred something inside her, the longing for him to be in her life was overpowering at times.

She had no one, no one at all she could talk to about this. Vivian knew of the affair but she couldn't talk to her, Martin and, of course, Jack but she couldn't talk to either of them. Besides those three people-–well, OPR knew and she sure as hell wasn't ever going to try to talk to anyone in that department about it. As it was she and Jack had gotten away by the skin of their teeth for that breach of protocol. Something inside Samantha told her that Victor Fitzgerald had something to do with that; if that wasn't irony she didn't know what was.

Fitzgerald, Martin Fitzgerald, she loved him once, didn't she? She was so confused, she'd always been able to have the men in her life, the ones she thought were in her life, be there for her, now she'd been turned down flat by both of them within the same week. They were supposed to be her friends weren't they; why the hell wouldn't either one of them help her when she needed it?

x x x

"_Hi, Jack, got a minute?" Sam asked as she stood in the doorway to Jack's office. It was after 6:00 p.m. and she wanted to go home but she needed to ask Jack this now._

"_Sure, Sam, come on in." Jack took his reading glasses off and put them on the desk._

_Sam closed the door behind her and stood in front of his desk._

"_Sit down." Jack indicated the chair across from the desk. _

_Samantha looked at it and then back at Jack who remained seated._

"_Ah, no, that's okay. This will only take a minute. I just – um – I just wanted to ask you if you would—you see I signed up for—my doctor recommended I sign up for Lamaze classes and well, you know that the father isn't interested in being here for me and the baby so—I need a coach and I thought—I'd like you to be my coach."_

_There, she'd said it, now hurry up Jack, tell me you'll be there for me so I can run out of here, God, I never thought this would happen to me._

_Jack leaned back in his chair and looked at her quietly, Sam couldn't read his expression; she'd always been able to read his expression_

"_Sam," Jack began slowly, keeping his eyes focused on hers, "there's no possible way I can be your Lamaze coach."_

_Samantha barely heard the rest of his words. She just felt herself grow cold inside, was it possible to grow so cold inside of ones body that the baby actually shivered? She moved back out of his reach as she saw him stand up and start to come around the desk towards her. _

"_That's okay. I just thought, you know, I just—I'll ask somebody else, don't worry about it. It was just a silly idea." Sam heard herself babbling and willed herself to just shut up and get out, she never babbled._

"_It wasn't stupid and I'm honored you'd ask me but it's completely improper and you know you want someone who can be there for you and the baby when it's time to give birth and that can't be me."_

"_I know that, Jack. I was kidding, just wanted to have one over on you. Well, see you tomorrow." With that Sam fled from his office, trying to maintain some semblance of dignity. _

_She hid in the ladies room for almost five minutes before she felt brave enough to face walking back down the corridor and heading home for the night. As she exited the ladies room and slowly made her way down the corridor she noticed that Jack's office was dark, good, at least she wouldn't have to see him again tonight. Just her luck in her haste to make a 'semi-dignified escape' she'd gone in the wrong direction and would now have to pass by his office._

_As she came upon the bullpen she noted Martin's desk light was still on and his coat was hanging over the back of his chair. He wasn't in sight but she figured he wouldn't be gone long._

_Walking over to his desk she rested her hand on the back of his chair and felt his jacket fabric under her hand. Why not; he was her friend and it wouldn't be improper._

_She pulled the chair out and sat down in it and slowly swiveled from side to side absently clutching the paper with the information for the Lamaze class. Good thing she'd stopped herself from using it to blot her eyes as she fled from Jack's office, now she could give it to Martin._

_A few short minutes later she heard footsteps and smiled, she recognized his step. She slowly swiveled the chair around and saw him approaching. He looked surprised to see her but gave her a small smile._

"_I thought you'd left for the night." Martin said as he walked over to her._

"_I was leaving but I needed to ask you something." Sam stood up and stepped to the side so he could straighten his desk and shut down his computer._

_He finished shutting down his computer and straightening his desk and turned to look her straight in the face._

"_What did you need to ask?" Sam ignored the flatness of his tone._

"_I signed up for Lamaze class."_

_Martin just looked at her and nodded. "Okay."_

"_Well, I don't know if you know much about Lamaze," She paused waiting for his easy grin; it didn't come so she moved on. "Well, there's the mommy and the father that attend Lamaze, of course the baby is there but, you know, that's 'cause mommy goes."_

_Martin's expression didn't soften, there was no smile on his face, no light in his eyes. Sam swallowed and moved forward._

"_Well, anyway, I know I haven't told you who the father is and even if I did it wouldn't matter because first of all you don't know him and second of all he's made it completely clear he wants nothing to do with me or the baby so, I need a coach; I'd like that person to be you." As she said it she held out the paper with the information about the class._

_There, she'd said it, guess practice does make things, well, if not perfect, at least a bit easier._

_Sam stood there watching Martin for what seemed like a half an hour but was really less than 15 seconds, it was so quiet in the bullpen she could hear the click of the clock on the wall. Finally his a small curve appeared on his lips._

"_You'd like me to be your Lamaze coach?" He asked her stonily._

"_Yes, silly, I'd—I'd like it to be you." She reached out to touch his arm and was shocked when he flinched away, what was going on?_

"_When did you decide you wanted me to be your Lamaze coach?" Martin asked her. Sam could hear an undercurrent in his tone she didn't know how to decipher as she'd never heard that from Martin._

"_What does it matter, I asked you." She snapped without thinking._

"_Yes, yes you did ask me." Martin turned away from her and looked out of the bullpen. She watched him as he appeared to wrestle with his thoughts and then he turned back to her._

"_Did you ask me because Jack said no?" He asked it so softly Samantha had to lean in to hear him and when she did she felt something inside of her harden._

"_Why would you ask me that?"_

"_I saw you go into Jack's office. I saw you hold out that same piece of paper to him and I saw him shake his head no and I saw you stand there in disbelief."_

"_You were spying on me?" Sam spat back angrily._

"_You're something, Samantha Spade. I didn't have to 'spy' on you. I was standing right at this table, facing the corridor and Jack's office. You knew that as you'd just walked past me on your way to his office."_

"_Did you enjoy the show?" Sam was hurt and angry an—she really didn't know what anymore but she sure wasn't going to stop swinging._

"_Yeah, Samantha, the show was great. It was so good I walked to the file room and archived the papers I had been gathering up. I had no idea what you were in there talking to Jack about nor did I care as what you do is none of my business anymore, if it ever was. But then I come back from the file room and am getting ready to head home after a long day and just grab a quick dinner, maybe some of the game and head to sleep and here you are sitting at my desk waiting for me._

_What do you expect me to think when I see you with the same paper and standing there in the same posture and same hand twisting gestures as you just did in Jack's office?"_

_Sam was so angry she wanted to slap him, how dare he not be her friend; he was the one who'd broken up with her and that had been over two years ago. She could ask who she wanted, what did it matter if he was her second choice._

"_You know what the real irony is, Samantha," Martin's soft tone reached her ears and without wanting to she turned and listened._

"_If you'd asked me, if you'd come up to me and said, Martin, I'd like you, as my friend, to be my Lamaze coach, I'd have said yes. But you didn't, you asked Jack and when he turned you down, you didn't even think or wait or anything—not like that would have made it better—but you came right to me, your second choice._

_I know I'll never be good enough for you to consider as someone to love or to think of as anyone other than—I don't know anymore, Samantha, I thought we'd have a chance again at our friendship, but you've made it clear that I don't even rate that high for you. I'll never be anything other than your fallback plan and I can't do that anymore."_

_Sam stood there stunned as Martin flicked his desk light off, grabbed his coat from the back of his chair, collected his backpack and headed out of the bullpen leaving her standing there in the semi-dark._

Sam shifted on the couch and thought about the next day when she'd walked into the office. Jack had met her and tersely told her to head to tech and work with Lucy on some wiretaps that had come in from an old case. She'd spent the better part of the morning in there listening to enhanced audio, by the time she'd gotten finished with that and returned to the bullpen she'd learned that Martin and Danny and Elena were out running down some leads that had just popped up on a cold case.

The next day or so was much of the same and then they'd caught their newest case, David Braxton. She'd hardly had a chance to see or work with Martin, not that she cared she was still angry with him. She'd been paired with Danny on interviewing the man's wife. At least that had gotten her out of the office since the woman had only given birth four days prior.

It had been a little scary to see that tiny baby, Braxton's wife, Caitlin, had let her hold the baby, "for practice" and she'd been amazed at how tiny the little girl was. It didn't encourage her at all, all she felt was a sense of terror that in the next five or so months she'd be holding her own.

When she and Danny returned she had done her best to ignore Martin unless they had to discuss the case. She'd reviewed her notes to bring him up to speed and he'd gone through what he and Viv had found on the cell and phone records.

Thankfully the next day Jack had decided to send Martin and Danny to Utah to interview members of the crew Braxton had been working with. Sam was relieved, it would give her a chance to have some emotional space from Martin; she was still angry with him.

Sam decided it was time to get to bed so she got up off the couch and grabbed the remote to click the TV off. She'd had it on the news channel with the volume down low. She didn't want to hear the news she just liked having something on in the background.

As she looked at the TV the screen was filled with images of a forest fire. She watched amazed as the flames engulfed giant trees and then the camera panned back and she saw a huge area being eaten by the fire. She was about to click the TV off when a map came up in the corner and a member of the fire fighting crew started to speak, the caption underneath said, Abajo Mountains.

Knowing that was where Danny and Martin were heading she turned up the volume to hear the fire official finish giving the rundown of the fire.

"Initially we thought we'd be able to confine the fire and allow itself to burn out but the area is quite dry and there's been a treacherous wind that has allowed continued spotting of the fire as well as slopover, so it's been difficult to keep the fire contained."

"Can you explain what slopover means and spotting for our viewers?" The newsperson asked the FIO (Fire Information Officer.)

Good question, thought Sam.

"Slopover is when the fire spreads outside the boundaries of a control line. We had started setting in place some control lines once the fire made its presence known but the crowning nature of the fire – the fact that it's in the tree tops—combined with the wind conditions keeps pushing it against the barriers, some of which weren't completely set when the fire reached them, that's the ground part of the fire so it was able to escape the boundaries we had intended it to remain within.

The spotting occurs when the updrafts catch the burning embers and debris from the tree tops and carries them outside of the burn area and then drop them either into tree tops or onto the ground where conditions remain favorable with enumerable flash fuels available, dry grass, leaves, pine needles, tree moss etc. All of that is stuff we were intending to clear out during an upcoming prescribed burn but unfortunately Mother Nature decided to help us along."

"Thank you for that information, can you tell us how much of the fire you have contained at this time."

"At this time we've been breached on several of our borders and with the winds forecast to remain high it's going to be difficult to fight this with our normal aerial assault. I'm not ready to give a containment estimate at this time. Since the sun has gone down and the burning period, the part of ever 24-hour period when fire spreads most rapidly usually 10:00 a.m. to sundown, we'll work through the night to establish some additional control lines and get teams and equipment into position. I'm sorry, but that's all I can give you right now."

"Thank you. I'm Amy Palmer from—"

Sam clicked off the TV and placed the remote on the shelf next to it.

Well, happy times Danny and Martin. Danny, I hope you get to roast lots of marshmallows, Martin, I hope you get soot in your eye. Sam thought as she headed off to bed.

**Taking Over Me**:

_I believe in you_

_I'll give up everything just to find you_

_I have to be with you to live to breathe_

_You're taking over me._

_I look in the mirror and see your face_

_If I look deep enough_

_So many things inside that are_

_Just like you are taking over_

_Evanescence: Fallen, 2003_


	3. Chapter 3

Medley:

Chapter 3:

**Going Under:**

_Now I will tell you what I've done for you_

_50 thousand tears I've cried_

_Screaming deceiving and bleeding for you_

_And you still won't hear me_

_Don't want your hand this time I'll save myself_

_Maybe I'll wake up for once_

_Not tormented daily defeated by you_

_Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom_

_I'm dying again_

_Evanescence, Fallen, 2003_

It was 11:00 p.m. local by the time Danny and Martin arrived at Base Camp for the Abajo fire. After landing at Monticello's little airport they were picked up by a member of the firefighting crew who was in charge of supplies. He had come to pick up some additional gear and replacement parts for radios and had stayed to pick up the two FBI agents and deliver them safely to Base Camp.

Once there they were escorted to the Incident Command Center and upon walking into the tent they were met with a hive of activity, people were on short-wave radios, others were tracking satellite imagery of the fire and weather patterns, a large table was covered with topographical maps and easels were arranged against one wall with bulletin boards and other maps that were covered with various markers delineating placement of what Danny and Martin guessed were crews and equipment.

The hum of generators filled the background and kept the lights and computers running along. As their eyes adjusted to the interior they noticed a man look up and after a beat he walked over to them.

"Emmett Grenz, I'm the incident commander." The tall, somewhat grizzled yet fit men shook each of their hands sizing them up.

"Special Agent Martin Fitzgerald, this is Special Agent Danny Taylor." Both men showed their badges.

"Hope you two don't mind roughing it and hope your schedule is flexible as our first priority is containing and stopping this fire. I understand you've got your job to do but out here things change mighty fast, and I can't spare people to be escorting you around nor can I allow you to go off on your own."

Neither Danny or Martin took offense as Grenz' tone wasn't condescending, it was matter of fact, and he wasn't saying anything other than the truth.

"We understand, obviously when we arranged to come out here circumstances were different, but as you say things change fast." Martin answered by way of agreement. Grenz favored him with a quick nod that reminded Martin of his grandfather's military bearing.

"We just need access to Braxton's survey team and any files or papers he kept here. Hopefully we'll be able to conduct our interviews quickly and be out of here in the next day or so." Danny added glancing around taking in the number of computers, the maps and noting that while occasionally someone would look up in curiosity most of them were intent on their work. It was a calm and organized area that buzzed with excitement but not panic, these were professionals.

"Well, the survey team members are at another camp close to one of the hot spots. You hunker down here tonight. I had a spare tent set up for you both, not much but it does have some folding canvas cots, a table and a lantern. As far as any papers, computer files etc, all that stuff is with Braxton's crew further up the mountain. You can have access to it tomorrow when you join up with that team if conditions allow.

Mike here will fit you guys out with brush jackets and pants as well as some better footwear for this terrain. We shouldn't ever be in an area where the threat of fire is imminent here at Base Camp but tomorrow I'll send you up the mountain to some areas that have already burned and that we're mopping up and you'll need to be properly geared up.

Mike will go over everything in the packs and show you the proper way to wear everything. You boys look smart, look like you understand the risks of your job; understand that I understand the risks of mine. I'm not fitting you out in this gear 'cause I wanted you to feel like you fit in, I'm doing it to keep you alive. Like I said, you shouldn't ever be anywhere near the fire, but if you are, you'll be prepared. Pay attention to Mike and anyone else I assign to you and you'll do fine, agreed."

"Sounds good." Martin replied shaking the man's hand firmly.

"Agreed." Danny took Grenz' hand as well.

For the next hour they got a quick tour of the dark and mostly quiet camp, were shown their tent and learned the proper way to lace their boots, tuck their pants and shirt, wear their shrouds, helmets, goggles and were given spare packs with routine medical kits, flashlights, head lamps, compass, spare batteries, fire shelters, gloves, signal mirrors, hex whistle and Leatherman tools.

Finally Mike left them telling them they could grab showers if they wanted to but turn the water spigots off and on throughout the shower. Danny and Martin decided a quick clean up was in order since their day had started some 20 hours earlier EST. Remembering the caution about being quick they both returned cleaned and somewhat refreshed to the tent a few minutes later and stretched out on their cots to grab what sleep they could.

The next morning Base Camp was awake and noisy at sunup. Martin and Danny both rolled from their canvas cots and joined the line for what passed as the men's room and after a quick clean up and making sure they were suitably geared up having watched some of the others in camp they headed to the mess hall for morning chow. Once there Mike greeted them and indicated they should grab their trays and join him and Grenz at a table.

"You two sleep all right?" Grenz asked amiably enough as Martin and Danny sat down and dug into their breakfasts.

"Just fine, thank you."

"I see you paid attention when Mike showed you your gear." Grenz had appraised them on their walk across the small tent and noted their boots were properly laced and their brush shirts were tucked properly into their brush pants.

"Mike will take you up the mountain right after breakfast; Braxton's survey team is already up there. Take your field packs and stop off at the end of the counter there on your way out, there's MREs and water you'll need to carry with you. You'll meet up with Chad Putnam, he's Braxton's second in command and he's assessing areas that burned yesterday and also overseeing the mop up.

You can spend the day with him and you'll get a chance to meet all of Braxton's crew. Should be able to conduct most if not all of your interviews, take everything with you that you think you're going to need since you'll probably stay with Putnam at the spike camp that he's at. It's closer to the fire line but it's in an area that we have containment; you'll be well behind it. Still, if Putnam bumps you back, no questions, you bump back to Base Camp."

With that Grenz bid everyone at the table a good bye and headed out of the tent, dropping his tray at the collection site.

"He seems like a good guy." Danny commented as he finished chewing his toast.

"He is," Mike agreed. "He's been fighting fires across the west for over 20 years. He knows a lot about terrain and weather and burn index, he's also heavy into safety and he's real uneasy about you guys being here. No offense intended but this isn't a place for someone who doesn't know what they're doing, that's why he's so cautious about where he sends you."

"Well, no offense taken. Agent Taylor and I intend to do our job and get out of here safe and sound and get back to that which we understand a bit better." Martin offered and then drained his coffee cup.

"Mike, is it all right if Agent Taylor and I head to the communications tent, we need to put a quick call into our SAC back in New York, and I want another look at the maps there to familiarize myself a bit more with the geography." Martin asked as the three men rose from the table.

"No problem, why don't we meet out front of the main tent in 15 minutes, that enough time?"

With everyone agreeing on 15 minutes the men split up with Martin and Danny both grabbing some water and MREs as well as some ready bags or feedbags that were available and that Mike had encouraged them to grab. A quick look inside showed they carried some hard candy and food bars as well as trail mix looking stuff. Stowing these latest additions next to their packs that stood waiting for them outside the mess hall, Martin and Danny headed to the communications tent and ducked inside.

"Malone."

"Hey, Jack, it's Danny." Danny held one hand over his free ear to block out the background noise in the tent.

"About time you two checked in, everything all right?"

"Yes, dad, everything is fine and we called from the airport, remember." Danny grinned. Even two hours ahead of them Jack sounded grumpy.

"So what's the plan today?"

"Martin and I are being taken up the mountain a bit to where Braxton's crew is stationed. Should be able to conduct our interviews and check out any materials he left behind, anything exciting on your end?" Danny kept it intentionally vague since he was in an open area where anyone could overhear and he didn't know if the line he was using was tied into any of the other phone lines around him. He didn't think anyone was listening in but as Emmett kept saying, safety, safety, safety.

"Nothing has hit so far, no leads other than what you left with, could all be a wild goose chase. Keep in touch when you can."

With that Jack disconnected and Danny glanced around the small tent before he said good bye as well trying to ascertain if anyone appeared to be a little too interested in his call; no one did.

Standing up he walked over to Martin who was studying a topographical map intently as if memorizing it. Silently he watched as Martin showed him on the map where the Base Camp was that they were currently in, and then tracked up the mountain a bit to where another marker showed the survey team and then another mile or so past that was where the fire edge was.

Having imprinted it in their brains they headed out, each grabbing a smaller version of the topographical map they had just been poring over from a stack on the table. Outside they loaded their gear and climbed into the jeep that Mike had ready and headed up the mountain.

Four hours later they were sitting in the spike camp main tent pouring through papers and computer files. Braxton's—now Putnam's spike camp didn't carry generators but he did carry spare batteries for the computers and Mike had brought additional fully charged batteries with him when he dropped Danny and Martin off.

Once at the camp Putnam quickly introduced them around and set them up in the main tent which was also where chow was served. The two men had been poring over the documents for about two hours when Martin lifted his head and stared at Danny.

"I've got something here."

"What is it?"

"This journal is a bulleted version of the past five years of surveys that David Braxton has been on." Martin shifted slightly so Danny could get a better view of the handwritten notes.

"Look, he's got notations that indicate the following fires, Sink's Canyon, Wyoming; Cherry, Arizona; Blanco, New Mexico; Long Jim III, Arizona and now Ajabo Mountain, Utah all escaped their prescribed burns."

"Well, we've already heard Grenz tell us that things change pretty rapidly in these situations. Yesterday we were already en route when this went from a survey and controlled burn into an incident."

"Right, and I've been reading up on the Composite Burn Index which the USGS uses to identify and attach a rating to certain areas that identifies high risk, moderate risk and so forth and then teams go in and initiate prescribed burns to minimize the risk of wildfires breaking out. All of these incidents happened where Braxton and a survey team had rated the areas as low to moderate risk but when the prescribed burns were put in motion, all of them grew larger than expected and far heavier damage occurred than predicted."

"Maybe he was doctoring the numbers?" Danny suggested.

"Maybe, but why keep a record of it? If he was minimizing the risks why carry around the damning evidence where anyone could get at it?" Martin countered.

"Okay. Maybe his assessments were submitted incorrectly or someone didn't listen and follow his predictions." Danny brainstormed the possibilities at the same time as he started shuffling through a list of Braxton's team.

"Possible, it's also possible that somebody didn't follow the prescribed burn plan correctly. We're going to need to get this information to Jack to have him check into who acted on this information and what the after incident assessment concluded as to why the fires escaped containment.."

"We have the list of survey members that are here, does that journal list the members of the escaped burns?"

Martin flipped through the journal and found each of the bulleted fires summarized in a bit more detail which included the survey members."

"All right. Let's make a list of matching names that are here at this fire and also present at all the others and send it to Jack. At least he'll have internet connection and can do the background checks." Danny found the paper he was looking for and held it up.

"All right. Let's see, Sink's Canyon, Wyoming, 2003; all right, here's the list of names." Martin found the page in the journal and held it next to the list of survey members currently at Abajo Mountain.

"We've got three matches, Chad Putnam, Kevin Moody and Brian Keeler." Martin jotted the three names down in his notebook.

"Let's see, Cherry, Arizona, 2002, Chad Putnam, Kevin Moody and Brian Keeler as well as Zac Christian who's here. Okay. Blanco, New Mexico, 2004, Chad Putnam, Kevin Moody, and Zac Christian, and the final one on the list is Long Jim III, Arizona, 2005, Chad Putnam, Kevin Moody and Zac Christian and, Eric Pulliam who's here on this fire."

Martin printed all the names and the fires and held it up for Danny to look at.

"I'd better see if I can get reception here." Danny grabbed the paper and looked around the small tent as he flipped open his phone, three and a half bars, it should work. Pressing the speed dial to the bullpen he was rewarded on the second ring.

While Danny updated Elena who had caught the call Martin took a quick stroll outside the tent to first of all ensure that they weren't being overheard and second of all to take a second look at the small spike camp. The smell of smoke was in the air but it wasn't overpowering from where he was standing though he could see plumes of grayish smoke being pushed along by the whim of the wind over the next ridge. The fire was in front of them and judging by the direction of the wind current, it was going to stay that way.

After about ten minutes Danny joined him outside the tent.

"I gave Elena the information; she and Sam are going to run it all down and get back to us."

"Hmm, good." Martin commented. His mind was wandering a bit as he had a few moments to himself.

Danny looked at him carefully and then ventured, "So, when did you have time to read up on Composite Burn Index information that wasn't part of any of the briefing material we had on the plane."

"True, but after you went to sleep and I couldn't sleep I walked over to the Incident Command tent and Mike showed me around all their maps et cetera and I saw some a research booklet by the USGS and read through it. If we're out here running out a lead that someone in his team or connected to his work was out to get him, might as well know as much as possible about what he does and why."

"I agree, but we didn't turn the lights out until almost 1:00 a.m. after Mike showed us all the gear and we planned our strategy for today and we were up by 6:00 a.m., when did you sleep?" Danny was concerned, he liked working with Martin because the man pursued every angle tenaciously, something Danny did as well but he also knew that Martin tended to lose himself in the work and ignore the problems in his life; it was a coping strategy but not a good one.

"I got a few hours, I'm fine."

"Yeah, well, you know if you want to talk about it, I'll listen." Danny didn't look at Martin, instead he looked up at the tendrils of smoke that billowed and plumed and then became wisps as the wind above them lazily moved it as it chose.

"Not much to say, so how was Elena, did she get someone else to take her out last night since you got sent here?" Martin nudged Danny and successfully changed the subject.

"She's fine and no, she didn't go out. She stayed home and pined for her Dannyman. Oh, yeah, and she says, hey, to you."

"Thanks." Martin chuckled. "So—"

"So?" Danny answered back giving Martin a sideways look.

"So, you and Elena now---what, a year maybe?"

"Just relax there, pal. We're taking it nice and slow."

"Ah, ha."

"Yes, slow."

"So that means you're going to hang up your little black book?"

"Why, you want it?"

"No, thanks, Danny hand me downs are not what I'm looking for."

"Yeah, well, some of them were pretty good." 

"Which is why you're not with them, you're with Elena."

"Elena is different."

"I know. Good for you, she really likes you."

"Funny thing, Martin, when I first met her, I didn't like her at all; I think about it now and I realize that's because I got to know her through Carlos' eyes. He was always going on about how she was always complaining and after him about this and that and he always felt like she was telling him what to do.

And she was, that's because he was and is a jerk and he never grew up. Once I got a chance to get to know her as her and not as how Carlos described her; she's pretty terrific."

"But you're just friends." Martin teased.

"Well, friends with benefits." Danny countered cocking an eyebrow at Martin.

"Which of course means—"

"Sophie."

"Right, so now you can get into all those Disney movies you've been dying to see without having people think you're a pedophile."

"That's it my man, that's it. Truth is I love Sophie. I've always liked kids and always wanted my own and I don't even care that Sophie isn't of my flesh and blood; I love her anyway."

"That's great, Danny. I hope things continue to work out for you two." Martin said it with conviction because he felt it. They stood in silence for a couple more minutes each lost in his own thoughts and then they saw Chad Putnam heading their way as was planned. He'd agreed to give them a few hours to review the material and then if the conditions were right, he'd come get them and take them farther out where the hand crew was working and they could interview the members of the team.

**Going Under:**

_Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies_

_So I don't know what's real and what's not_

_Always confusing the thoughts in my head_

_So I can't trust myself anymore_

_I'm dying again_

_I'm going under_

_Drowning in you_

_I'm falling forever_

_I've got to break through_

_So go on and scream_

_Scream at me I'm so far away_

_I won't be broken again_

_I've got to breathe I can't keep going under_

_Evanescence, Fallen, 2003_


	4. Chapter 4

Medley:

Chapter 4:

**Imaginary:**

_I linger in the doorway_

_Of alarm clock screaming_

_Monsters calling my name_

_Let me stay_

_Where the wind will whisper to me_

_Where the raindrops_

_As they're falling tell a story_

_In my field of paper flowers_

_And candy clouds of lullaby_

_I lie inside myself for hours_

_And watch my purple sky fly over me_

_Evanescence, Fallen, 2003_

Elena hung up after getting the names, dates and locations from Danny and started the process of running down the information.

Jack was currently in a strategy meeting with Vivian on the joint task force she was heading up so that left Elena and Sam in the office running down leads. They'd spent the morning following up with local morgues and hospitals and all John Doe reports, so far no one matched their missing David Braxton.

Elena was working on her computer pulling up information on the members of Braxton's team that Danny had given her when Sam rejoined her in the bullpen.

"What up?" Sam asked seeing Elena browsing through some files.

"Danny called a few minutes ago, he and Martin are now with Braxton's survey team and they've got access to all the papers, journals and the computer that he left at the site. Martin found some entries in Braxton's survey journal that indicate several prescribed fires that his survey team had recommended and then initiated exceeded their boundaries and led to extensive firefighting costs as well as loss of equipment, property and in a few cases lives."

"So the boys are thinking someone on Braxton's team is setting fires, or improperly setting the boundaries or that Braxton himself was to blame, what?" Sam asked peering at the list of names Elena had written down.

"Don't know; the boys don't have access to any internet connections so we get to check out the background of these men. All the men on this list are currently at the Abajo Mountain fire and Danny said he and Martin were headed up to where the team was working on mopping up a section of the fire and they'd be conducting interviews. Hopefully he'll be able to call later today—well," Elena stopped and checked the clock, calculated the two hour time difference and amended her statement, "later this evening with their results. By then we should have financial backgrounds and work histories et cetera to review."

"Well, let's get on it then." Sam pushed up her sleeves and took the list from Elena and contacted Legal in order to get the necessary warrants for bank records, phone calls and access to their personnel files.

The two women worked for steadily making phone calls, tracking down resume information, bank records, telephone records, work history everything they could get their hands on. Jack and Vivian joined them after a couple of hours and the information flowed in faster and they were able to build a paper profile on the members of Braxton's team that basically was one dimensional since they weren't able to interview these people.

"All right. I'm going to try and reach the boys and give them a rundown of the major points we have which is pretty much nothing." Jack commented frustrated that at least on paper not one of the people looked to have any motive to threaten Braxton and certainly not to make him disappear.

"Why don't the rest of you head home and get some rest. If anything breaks I'll call you in." It was pushing 6:00 p.m. and since there wasn't anything to work on in the NYC area the team was able to stand down for the night.

"Jack's right," Vivian added, "while I hate admitting to a cold trail after only three days, there just isn't anything here in the city for us to pursue and the best chance we have is out in Utah but even that is looking bleak. Go home, both of you. Hopefully something breaks tomorrow."

Vivian gave them both a small smile that everyone knew was an effort as she was just as disappointed as they were that the trail was positively cold. "I'll see you both in the morning." And then she was gone.

"Don't you want to know how the boys are doing roughing it up on the mountain?" Elena asked teasingly as she and Sam gathered up the papers and files and sorted them neatly.

Sam gave her a smile, "How is Danny, is he having fun out in the mountains?"

Elena chuckled, "Fun, I don't think is how he would describe it. He did say he was amazed at how organized Grenz' operation is." At Sam's curious look Elena took a few moments and filled her in on who Grenz was and the logistics of the Base Camp.

"He did say that he and Martin got new outfits upon arrival. It seems Emmett Grenz is highly safety conscious and he had them outfitted with proper boots, socks, bush pants, shirts and something called a dragon fur jacket."

Sam cocked her eyebrows, "Dragon fur? I didn't know dragons had fur."

"I know, wild name but it's wind resistant, flame retardant. They've been given field packs with lots of gear. I know Danny said they were being kept back from the fire but it just seems like a lot of gear."

"Well, sounds like this Emmett Grenz is just being thorough." Sam shrugged it off.

"Yeah, I know, still I worry."

"I'm sure Danny's having the time of his life."

"He did say he and Martin shared a tent last night." Elena teased.

"Well, there you have it."

"Oh, come on, Sam. He said they were fine and they were paying attention. They'll both be fine. Next time they call I'll let you talk to Martin."

"Whatever."

"Sam, what's going on? I kinda thought you and Martin were friends, but the last several days it's been pretty chilly in the office when you two were here, what's up?"

"Nothing, and we're not friends." Sam replied curtly.

"Oh, something more perhaps, he's nice, and I don't just mean easy on the eyes, didn't think he'd be your type though."

"Nice, yeah, he's nice." Sam didn't even try to hide the acid in her tone. "Wait a minute, what do you mean he wouldn't be my type?"

"I don't know, you just seem—" Elena trailed off as she searched for the word.

"I seem what, someone that a nice guy wouldn't like, not good enough for a nice guy? What?"

"No, Sam, that's not what I'm saying at all."

"Well, I'll have you know that Martin and I did date for about nine months until he dumped me, so maybe he's not so nice after all."

"How come I never knew you dated him?"

"It was over before you joined the team." Sam didn't even notice the echo of the words she had once said to Martin about her affair with Jack.

"When did it end?"

"Right before—right before he got shot. I wanted to go with him to his cousin's wedding and meet his family just like he'd been hounding me to do for months and boom, he dumped me. Did it right at this table, too."

"So, you wanted to go meet his family and he dumped you. Sorry, Sam, you're going to have to fill it in a little bit more, doesn't sound like the Martin Fitzgerald I've been working around for two years now. I'll grant you I came in at a pretty rough time for him but even when he could have seen me as a threat to his job, he helped me learn the ropes and he and Danny are good friends and I trust Danny's judgment, so you're going to need to tell me a little bit more."

"He'd been here for about two years before we started dating."

"And?" Elena prompted when Sam seemed stuck with where to go next.

"And, eventually Danny found out and then Viv and at some point Jack knew and then when that wasn't so bad and I was ready to go with him to his cousin's wedding he dumped me, end of story."

"And you were dating how long?" Elena pressed.

"About nine months."

Elena studied Sam carefully and then chose her words slowly.

"You were dating for nine months, what were you doing for all that time?"

Sam looked at Elena in surprise. "What do you mean what were we doing, we were dating."

"Okay. But, you said eventually Danny found out and then Viv and then somehow Jack and then you said something about that not being so bad so you were going to go to his cousin's wedding and I guess meet his family. I'm confused; you were with him for nine months, exactly how many people knew you were dating?"

Sam stared at Elena and opened her mouth to speak only to close it again. "It's complicated."

"Sure it is because he's a colleague like Danny and I."

"You and Danny don't seem complicated."

"That's because we're not. I like him, he likes me. He's great with Sophie. He's there for me. I'm there for him. It's not that complicated. Sam, if Danny who is arguably Martin's best friend and also someone who is pretty close to you didn't know until 'eventually' whenever that is and Vivian, arguably another close friend to both you and Martin didn't know until sometime after Danny, who knew the two of you were going out? Wait, don't answer that, I have a better question. Where were you going out?"

Sam looked down at the table and aimlessly drew circles on the piece of paper in front of her. "We didn't go anywhere."

"So it was just sex; you were just sleeping with each other?"

Sam looked at Elena who met her gaze evenly.

"Don't get me wrong, chica, sex is wonderful but it's not dating. It's just sleeping with someone, and actually we both know there really isn't any sleeping to it."

When Sam didn't answer Elena let her words sink in for a moment before continuing with her thought.

"I've only known Martin for two years and I certainly have never 'dated' him but he doesn't strike me as the kind of guy who's just looking for sex. Martin is the kind of guy you marry take it from somebody who knows the difference."

Sam looked up sharply at Elena who was staring straight at her with a serious look on her face.

"Sam—"

"Elena, all due respect but you're dating Danny, do you really think you should be trying to give me advice on who's the marrying kind?" Sam softened the harshness of her words with a small upturn of her lips.

"Yes, I do. I know all about Danny's player past and all his talk of a different girl every night. I'll let you in on a little secret; there weren't more than three girls before me and one of them his brother set him up with. So don't go thinking Danny is this real big player. Danny is the kind of guy you marry. I'm not saying that's where he and I are headed, I'm just saying that I've dated the bad boys, I married a bad boy.

It was sexy and dangerous and hot and heavy and exciting but the problem with that is that it gets old after awhile. One of you starts to grow and change and see things differently, or you get pregnant and have the responsibility of a whole other life that depends on no one but you and, if all you have as a partner in the child rearing is someone who's dangerous or exciting and is all about the thrill and the rush, then you're alone with this little life.

Knowing someone, truly knowing their mind, heart and their body is true intimacy. I am so much more intimate with Danny than I ever was with Carlos and I never worry when I'm with Danny. He's my friend, he takes care of me and that doesn't make me weak; he doesn't look down at me as someone that needs his protection but rather as someone he chooses to protect. He also knows that at all times I'm there for him. I protect him just as much as he protects me."

Elena glanced at the clock on the wall and decided it was definitely time to get home to Sophie as well as to let Sam think a bit on what they had discussed.

"A little advice from someone who's been there, if you've found someone that makes you happy, that wants to be there for you, that's the person to build a future with. Remember what I said, some men are the marrying kind and some aren't. Don't kid yourself into thinking that someone who isn't the marrying kind will change for you; they won't."

Sam sat quietly at her desk thinking about Elena's words, absorbing them, turning them over in her mind. Finally she realized she was not only exhausted but she was hungry and it was time to get home. As she passed Jack's office heading towards the elevators she stopped, knocked and opened his door.

"Good night, Jack, just thought I'd let you know I'm leaving."

Jack glanced up distractedly from his desk, "thought you were already gone. See you tomorrow." And then went back to work on the papers on his desk ignoring her. Sam slowly closed the door and giving him one last look she headed down the corridor for home.

**Imaginary:**

_Don't say I'm out of touch_

_With this rampant chaos – your reality_

_I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge_

_The nightmare I built my own world to escape_

_In my field of paper flowers_

_And candy clouds of lullaby_

_I lie inside myself for hours_

_And watch my purple sky fly over me_

_Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming_

_Cannot cease for the fear of silent nights_

_Oh how I long for the deep sleep dreaming_

_The goddess of imaginary light_

_Evanescence, Fallen, 2003_


	5. Chapter 5

Medley:

Chapter 5:

**Haunted**:

_Long lost words whisper slowly to me_

_Still can't find what keeps me here_

_When all this time I've been so hollow inside_

_I know you're still there_

_Evanescence: Fallen, 2003_

Putnam took Martin and Danny up the mountain to where the survey team was assessing damage and mopping up behind yesterday's burn. Like Grenz, he was a stickler for safety; he had them repack all their gear keeping some small yet essential items in their pockets. He refused to take them any further until they were able to demonstrate they understood all of the equipment they carried including their fire shelters. It took several practice sessions before they were able to successfully deploy their shelters and get inside them.

It was now early afternoon and they were trekking up to the next site where the mop up crew was working. It took them well over two hours to hike the mile or so to where the crew was mopping up. When they arrived at the site they were surprised at the quiet activity before them. Men and women were working with their Pulaski tools as well as their hands on spots in the ground. Occasionally the sound of a chainsaw split the air and then the crashing thud as whatever tree or branch it cut hit the ground.

"What are they doing?" Danny asked.

"It's called cold trailing," Putnam replied. "This fire edge is dead, but until we're through inspecting it there's always the risk something is smoldering below. Duff, stuff like needles, leaves all the forest 'litter' you see, can easily hide heat or smoldering particles that, if we don't clear them out trench them cool them, can eventually flare up again and if the wind catches it well-- this is the mop up operation."

"Looks like the surface of the moon." Martin commented.

Everywhere they looked they saw ash covered surfaces. What had once been green and lush and displayed the colors of nature was now gray, statues of dead trees that were scorched stood where towering pines once stretched skyward.

"It's hard to believe that anything will ever grow here again." Martin murmured taking in the ghostly appearance. The area looked like a giant hand had ripped everything out of the ground throwing trees, in haphazard piles as it moved through burning all the color, all the life. Besides the sound of the chainsaws and the occasional shouts as snags were felled it was nearly silent.

"I know all you can see is sheer devastation but give this a few years and the new growth will amaze you. By clearing out so much of the surface vegetation that was choking the ground Mother Nature will regenerate and this area will be lush and vibrant again. Nature is already working below the surface, deep underground where the heat of the fire didn't penetrate and roots and insects and new life is already working its way to the surface.

The three men were slowly walking through the area and while they were going Putnam was pointing out hazards.

"You want to walk very carefully and pay attention to everything around you. Keep your hard hats on and go only where I tell you. Those dead trees, we call them snags, they're notorious for falling suddenly and they aren't all extinguished. We've got a couple of sawyers up here and they're removing the snags and extinguishing them as needed. We're far enough back there shouldn't be any concerns but I take nothing for granted. I've seen a fire turn and when it does, there's nothing to do but drop everything except your shelter and run hoping you don't have to deploy."

"Have you ever been in a fire where you needed to deploy your shelter?" Martin asked.

"No, but I've been at fires where firefighters have. These shelters are good but they don't withstand everything and if you tear them during deployment or don't inspect them and keep them in good condition—well, let's just say that I inspect mine before and after any incident. They can sustain a direct flame impact but you'll still get burned, inside it'll still heat up and asphyxiation is a real problem."

It wasn't long before Putnam led them to a small area that one man was inspecting carefully. He had a notebook and was scribbling in at as well as squatting down and brushing through the ashy debris to uncover what lay beneath. At Putnam's greeting he stood up and walked over to them.

"Kevin Moody, meet Agents Fitzgerald and Taylor from the FBI," Putnam took care of the greetings and after the men shook hands he left Moody and Taylor to talk and brought Martin a little further along the crew until he spotted another man, Zac Christian. After introducing those two he left them to their task

"So, Zac," Martin began. "How long have you worked with David Braxton?"

"I've worked with him for six years now. Never known him not to turn up right on schedule, you don't have any leads back east?" Martin sized Christian up, he was in his late 20's, fit, had an economy of movement that bespoke someone used to being quick and orderly in his work from necessity.

"The rest of our team is running down every possible avenue of information available. Agent Taylor and I were sent out here specifically to talk to his team members in the hopes that you can tell us something that we won't learn from phone and bank records."

"Yeah, well, I don't have any ideas where he could be. David has two passions in life, his family first and preserving the forests and natural resources second. There was never any question that he was going to head home for the birth of his and Caitlin's third child; he always puts family first. After that it was a foregone conclusion that he'd be right back out here."

"Wouldn't that be kind of hard on his wife having a newborn plus two other children and him heading out so quickly again?"

"Caitlin Braxton is as big a protector and champion of the forests as David. The only reason they live in NYC right now is because her father is ill and is being treated at Sloan Kettering. They used to live in Missoula but since her dad got ill, they moved east to help out. Those two have the same outlook on the world, family first, nature second. No, Caitlin would completely understand and her mom and her aunt and uncle live in NYC so there's plenty of help to go around. She knew he'd be back here; it's funny she used to joke that she checked the calendar carefully and calculated out the pregnancy so as to conceive at just the right moment to stay within Dave's schedule."

Zac chuckled at the memory and Martin could see by the light in the young man's eyes that his regard for his boss and his boss' family was genuine.

"Tell me about this fire here, was this one of the spots that your survey team had chosen to burn?"

"It was, but it was supposed to be a lot smaller obviously and we weren't going to start it until later this week. Weather is an important factor to consider and there's a front coming in that's going to be carrying a fair bit of humid air in front of it and somewhat cold air behind it, we were waiting for that to get here before we started since it would help us keep the fire under control. All these flash fuels around us are so dry and combine that with the dry air and the wind—well, it's not ideal conditions for a control burn."

"Have you had burns before that got out of control?" Martin knew that he had but he wanted to keep Zac talking.

"Yeah, I mean, you can never completely control a fire. It's a living force of nature and thus unpredictable at the best of times—wild and out of control at the worst, but this time Dave was really cautious. There have been several surveys that we conducted and prescribed burns for that went out of control.

Dave was real upset; he took it personally that's one of the reasons I love working with the guy. He really is passionate about the work and he's one of the best in the field. I've been able to work with him now for six years and he is a complete stickler for detail, to have four fires go out past the control zone and to do it to the scale that they have and now this one—" Zak trailed off as he looked around him sorrowfully taking in the devastation.

"How did this one get past the boundaries?" Martin asked neutrally allowing Zak a chance to confuse his story if he was going to.

"Like I said, this one wasn't even supposed to be started yet and even so, it wasn't going to start here. We're not only mopping up this section but we're looking to see why it started, lightning strike maybe, I don't know. I'm thinking this will be the fifth fire in as many years that will have gone past its boundary that is not going to make Dave very happy.

He takes a lot of pride in his work and he takes the failures or miscalculations very personally as I said. He's going to see this as a failure. His passion is why I wanted to work with him. This—" Zak swept his arm around to indicate the burned forest around them. "—this will regrow no doubt about it and it will flourish and be even more beautiful than it was, but Dave's reputation will not be so easily rebuilt."

Martin looked with Zak and absorbed the visual impact of scorched tree trunks, ash covered earth, trees blown down by the force of the fire or felled by axes, the unnatural quiet broken only be chainsaws and the falling of trees was eerie, no birds, no rustle of leaves; it not only looked dead, it sounded and even felt dead. Despite his heavy gear, Martin shivered.

Later after he had interviewed Eric Pulliam he met up with Danny who had managed to interview Kevin Moody and then Brian Keeler. The two men exchanged their impressions.

"I don't know, Martin. We spent the morning with Putnam who is as much like Grenz when it comes to safety, safety, safety, gave us full access to all of Braxton's files, taught us about equipment and is genuinely concerned about the man's welfare, both Moody and Keeler indicate that Putnam and Braxton are almost identical on their thoughts on the environment and safety and the best way to manage fires to rejuvenate the forest."

"I agree, Putnam doesn't strike me as having anything to hide or any agenda other than doing his job to the best of his ability; it'll be interesting to hear what his records turn up to see if what we see in person matches up to what's on paper."

"Same for all of them," Danny continued. "Keeler is pretty much off my list, he's on this fire and he was on the Cherry fire in Arizona in '02 and Sink's Canyon in Wyoming in '03 and that one he joined at the end as part of the after fire assessment team, so that alone pretty much rules him out.

He's completely a science guy. He's all about measuring the depth of the burn, rate of burn and all that stuff. He has no knowledge or interest in anything other than crunching those numbers and once this survey is complete he'll rotate to another fire, doesn't matter to him which one just so long as he gets to measure and tabulate.

Now Moody, he's been on all five of the fires but I don't see him as anything other than someone who is looking to learn and grow and perhaps head up his own survey team one day. So while he may be conscious of his future and not always wanting to be part of a team but rather a leader, he 's also serious about the work intensely loyal to Braxton and savvy enough to know that being part of a five surveys that all escaped their prescribed burns will not help him to succeed."

"Any particular reason for his loyalty," Martin asked thinking that while everything else Danny had said, especially the part about keeping a clean resume and not having fires go out of control, his suspicious side thought that 'intense loyalty' could be a cover to throw them off of something more sinister such as knowing something about Braxton that he could use against him.

"Seems the first fire he joined Braxton's team for was Sink's Canyon, Wyoming, and the fire escaped and ran wild at his section of the survey zone. He blamed himself for underestimating ground moisture and the amount of flash fuels in the area and was certain he was done especially since two firefighters and three civilians died in that fire when it blew up and became a firestorm. Well, Braxton stood by him and went over his analysis and proved that it wasn't Moody's analysis that was faulty. Moody says that he looks at Braxton sort of as a mentor."

"I'm getting the same from Christian and Pulliam. We know from our own background checks on Braxton that he's a good guy and this just further supports the theory that someone was sabotaging these burns and Braxton caught on to it."

"That and the threats he was getting right before he disappeared is pretty strong evidence. So Braxton is a good guy, respected by everyone on his regular crew and those that join in from time to time; financial, family and work records all show a good guy, family man."

"Yeah, so it's not likely Braxton skipped on his own but we already figured that but I don't see that we're any closer to seeing who had it in for the guy." Martin looked around noticing several members of the crew walking back down to the makeshift camp that was just behind them. Checking his watch he saw it was just after 4:00 p.m. local time which meant it was just after 6:00 p.m. in NYC.

"Better call Jack and give him an update on what we've got." Flipping open his phone he was happy to see reception still worked although it was getting sketchy. Danny's battery was starting to get a little low so Martin used his phone which still had more charge.

He filled Jack in in short order and while Jack was getting a more two dimensional view of their 'suspects' based on Danny and Martin's interviews, Martin was fleshing out his and Danny's views of the same men based on the background information. None of it pointed to any of the men so far identified as a possible person with a motive, although with the new information Jack would have the team spend the next day tracking down and verifying the stories.

Shutting down his phone at the end of his conversation with Jack after agreeing to try and contact him the next day Martin turned towards Danny as he motioned towards a couple more men coming down from above. The two agents walked over and fell in step with Chad Putnam and Kevin Moody.

"We're going to use the last couple of hours of light to move further up the mountain. Once we get a bit further up we'll set up and grab some chow that got brought in a little while ago. Don't know if you saw a supply vehicle come into camp but they brought us some food so no MREs tonight. You boys will be staying up here with us tonight and we'll see about sending you back to Base Camp tomorrow when the supply truck comes back around.

I'd have sent you back with it but we were just stop one on its route and it was going across the ridge to the south and heading closer to an active area. I'll have you brought back here tomorrow since we won't be able to get a vehicle any higher than this but, once you're done, we'll get you out of here. All right?"

"Sounds fine." Danny agreed.

Later that evening the two men were burrowed in sleeping bags inside a two man tent whispering ideas of the case back and forth. They were at dead end and they knew it. While there was definitely something suspicious with the fires the best Martin and Danny could do would be to alert the local FBI and ATF offices of Braxton's concerns and turn over his files. Their purpose was to find the missing person not stop arsonists and so far it appeared there were no further clues to follow in Utah.

Martin lay there long after Danny had gone to sleep. His mind kept turning over what he'd heard earlier in the day:

_I know all you can see is sheer devastation but give this a few years and the new growth will amaze you._

While Martin knew Chad hadn't meant that metaphorically he couldn't help but apply it to how he'd been living for the last couple of years. The shooting and subsequent recovery had taken a lot out of Martin add to that his struggle with painkillers and finally being saved in essence by both Sam and Danny he felt like he was slowly starting to rebuild.

Martin had truly hoped that he and Sam would find a way back to their friendship after they broke up and for a short while it appeared as if it was possible and he knew he'd never be anything but completely grateful that she didn't back down in the face of his problem with the painkillers and that she stood by him. Still there was a void between them and Martin realized that perhaps it wasn't going to be possible to bridge that void.

With that unsettling thought tumbling around in his mind he fell into an uneasy sleep.

**Haunted**:

_Watching me wanting me_

_I can feel you pull me down_

_Fearing you loving you_

_I won't let you pull me down_

_Evanescence: Fallen, 2003_


	6. Chapter 6

Medley:

Chapter 6:

**Bring Me To Life: **

_How can you see into my eyes like open doors_

_Leading you down into my core_

_Where I've become so numb without a soul_

_My spirit sleeping somewhere cold_

_Until you find it there and lead it back home_

_Evanescence: Fallen, 2003_

The next morning Jack gathered Viv, Elena and Sam at the bullpen conference table and reviewed all the information he'd received from Martin from the interviews. Now it was up to the remaining team members to track down the various stories and see if they matched what they'd been told.

The team set to work calling former supervisors, tracking down members of past survey teams that weren't currently at the Abajo fire trying to verify the information.

It was early afternoon when Jack, working at his desk, received a call from the NYPD.

"Malone."

"This is Lieutenant Dennis Krupp with the 48th Precinct, are you searching for a David Braxton?"

Surprised Jack took his reading glasses off and concentrated on the conversation, "Yes, my team have been on his case since he went missing four days ago."

"Well, we've found him." The voice on the other end was professional and neutral so Jack asked the obvious questions.

"In what condition and where?"

"He's alive, suffering from a touch of exposure and dehydration but nothing worse than that. As for the where, there's a bunch of warehouses under the Major Deegan and the Washington Bridge and the one he was in was scheduled for demolition today. It seems our Mr. Braxton managed to make enough noise for the final walk-through crew to hear it and they found him tied up at the bottom of a freight elevator shaft. They've transported him to Bronx-Lebanon Hospital in stable condition."

"That's great news; I'm heading on my way to interview him. I assume you've contacted his wife?"

"Yes, I sent a squad car to pick her up since I understand she's only recently given birth."

"Thank you, Lieutenant." Jack disconnected and headed out to the bullpen where the rest of the team was working.

"David Braxton has been found alive and mostly well." Jack said by way of greeting as he walked up to the group.

"Elena, you and I will head to the hospital to interview him and try to find out how he ended up tied up and at the bottom of an elevator shaft under the Major Deegan. Sam, Vivian, keep gathering the information flowing in and organize it so that when we hand this over to major crimes for pursuit of kidnapping everything is ready."

"Shall I call Martin and Danny and let them know?" Vivian asked.

Jack paused for a beat, "Not yet, I want to hear what Braxton has to tell us. He may have information that ppoints to someone in Utah. If so, I want to have the boys turn it over to the local office."

Once Jack and Elena had left the office Vivian and Sam worked quickly to get the current piles of paper organized and boxed up. They labeled everything so as further information came in it would easily be filed appropriately.

"Well, I'm glad this is ending positively for once; it's been a while." Vivian remarked as she placed the box in the middle of the table. "I'm going to get a cup of coffee, bring you some tea, Sam?"

"That would be great, Viv, thanks." Sam smiled tiredly. She hadn't been sleeping well lately with the stress of being pregnant, her conflict with Martin and then last night was really lousy for sleep as she'd been processing her conversation with Elena. Now that the case was close to being closed she was feeling the drain of not having slept much.

She sat at the table and tiredly rubbed her eyes.

Vivian found her that way as she walked back with two steaming mugs in her hands. Setting the mug of chamomile tea in front of Sam she sat down next at the table at a right angle to her and smiled before she started to speak.

"So, now that we've got a little time to ourselves, are you going to tell me what's got you so angry at Martin, distant towards Jack and absolutely looking miserable," Vivian asked gently.

"And I always thought I was good at hiding my emotions." Sam quipped wryly.

"Perhaps you can fool a layman, but I'm an FBI agent and a mother, I don't fool so easily, what's going on?"

"I thought—I don't know, Viv. I just don't know." Sam couldn't voice what was in her mind, not to Vivian.

"I'm not going to accept that, Sam. You do know, just spit it out. If you're thinking I'll judge you –"

"It's not that, Viv. You've always been there for me; it's just—"

"It's just you're still in love with Jack, aren't you?"

Sam could only stare open-mouthed at Vivian; she hated being that transparent.

"Is it that obvious?"

"To me it is. Sam, don't take this the wrong way and think that I'm judging you because I'm not. I do want to help and maybe offer some unsolicited advice so I need to understand something first." Vivian paused and watched as Sam took a small, careful sip of the hot tea. When Sam gave a small nod indicating she should continue she took a breath and plunged in, "You need to explain to me why you love Jack."

"Why? Why do I need to explain to you or anyone else why I love who I love; I can't help that my heart loves Jack."

"Samantha, Jack is my friend. I love working with him even when he drives me crazy. I love that I can fight with him and yet still respect him. If I didn't love working with him and for him do you think I'd still be here?"

Sam shook her head.

"No, I wouldn't but you've got to understand something about Jack that I've known for the ten years I've been working with him, Jack is all about the work. Everything Jack does is for the team and everything the team does is for the people we try to find. Jack gets emotionally involved in the cases and sometimes he gets emotionally involved in the victims, but he doesn't do it anywhere in his personal life; he's not capable of it. So tell me, is that what you love about Jack?"

"I don't know what it is; I just know in my heart that it's there. It consumes me. I think back to the time we had and I remember feeling safe and loved and needed—"

"And where is the man that made you feel that way?" Vivian softly asked.

"He sits in his office 50 feet from me every day."

"That's right he does. Has he ever tried to renew anything with you since his divorce?" Vivian decided that it was all or nothing at this point and since Sam was talking she was going to lay bare the emotional baggage as best she knew how.

"No."

"Have you?"

"I asked him to be my Lamaze coach a few days ago."

"Really, and what was his answer?" Vivian already knew, she could tell by how Sam was acting.

"He said no; it wouldn't be appropriate."

"And do you think it would have been appropriate?"

"No, but I just don't care anymore about what's appropriate I want to be with the man that makes me happy that doesn't judge me that doesn't think less of me for being who I am and for things that I've done."

"Is Jack that man, Sam?"

"Are you saying he isn't?"

"Why do you think Jack doesn't judge you for being who you are and doesn't judge you for the things that you've done?"

"Because he knows all my secrets, my flaws, my fears he knows them all."

"Why is it you felt comfortable telling him and not anyone else?"

When Sam didn't answer Vivian continued. "Did you feel telling Jack because you knew in your heart he wouldn't reject you or did you tell Jack because you already knew in your heart that while he cares for you on one level he'll never be capable of caring for you on that deeper, truly intimate level and so you were safe because you weren't really committing yourself to anything other than a surface relationship?"

"I didn't see it as a surface relationship, Viv, and besides, while Jack knows all my sins I know all of his."

"Of course you do, Sam, you're the other woman. Now don't think for a minute that I'm giving you permission to blame the breakup of his marriage on yourself, no, don't give yourself that much credit.

Jack was married for a long time before you came along and his work was all consuming back then.

That marriage was in trouble before you ever appeared on the horizon and the trouble continued for almost two years after you faded from view.

You weren't the blame for that marriage, Jack was. Jack is incapable of being that kind of a man; and that's all right, some people aren't. So, it's real easy to tell Jack your sins after all you know one of his biggest; infidelity. But knowing that he's been unfaithful and is also incapable of that truly deeper level of intimacy you have to ask yourself, is that why you love Jack?"

Sam was silent as she turned over Vivian's words.

"Sam, other than telling Martin about Jack, did you ever tell him anything personal about yourself?"

Sam was stunned as she thought through the nine months of her and Martin's relationship. She remembered telling him that she didn't want to be considered less of an agent because she had slept with one agent and was currently sleeping with another at that time. She remembered how hurt he had been when she said that and she was angry with him for not understanding but based on Elena's words to her yesterday she suddenly realized that that was mostly what they did.

Other than opening up to him occasionally about a case and her theory as to why the person was missing and what should be done to find them, she'd never really told him much.

"Viv, Martin grew up in D.C. surrounded by politicians and fancy people high up in the Bureau. He went to college and graduated with no student loans and while he doesn't flaunt his money I know he has some from his parents that is available to him, not to mention he has both his parents in his life."

"Big deal, so he didn't have college loans, you're going to hold that against him? I don't ever recall Martin holding it against you or Danny that you both had to work your way through college. Martin's best friend is Danny Taylor, orphan, grew up in foster homes, brother in prison.

He fell in love with you the first day he set eyes on you and for two years he learned about you and from you and he flirted with you. He'd fight just as passionately for his theories as you and the two of you had some ripping debates on the best way to handle a case and the both of you grew because of it. And during those two years I know he learned enough about you to know you grew up in Kenosha, Wisconsin, in a trailer park with no father in the picture and a mother you barely talk to and a sister you were estranged from and yet he still flirted at and with you and continued to strengthen your friendship and relationship.

So, if you're trying to suggest that Martin judges you because of where you grew up and who your parents are or aren't. you'd better rethink those thoughts and know you'll have me to fight. If anyone in your relationship both before during and afterwards judged the other for who he is or where he comes from, it's you.

You're so hung up on what you didn't have growing up that you resent him for what he did and that's not only wrong it's completely unfair. Martin is a good man, a nice guy and you're judging him for that and judging him unfairly."

"Elena said something along those lines to me yesterday."

Vivian merely sipped her cooling coffee and waited silently for Sam to continue.

"She was surprised that Martin and I had dated because she didn't think he was my type because she figures him to be the kind of guy that's in it for the commitment, the good the bad and everything in between."

"She's right, that's what Martin is and exactly what Jack isn't." Vivian looked up as another agent approached with a pile of papers.

She thanked him and quickly glanced at the papers noting they were some of the information they had spent the morning calling and requesting as background information on their suspects. Vivian looked at the stack of papers and then at Sam who was sitting silently and from what Vivian could see, processing their conversation.

"Listen, Samantha, why don't you go home. You're tired, the case is winding down, Jack and Elena will be back before long and he'll update the boys on the situation and we'll take it from there. I'll sort this information and get it boxed up and I'll see you tomorrow."

Sam started to protest not wanting to leave Vivian with the papers but Vivian held her hand up and cocked an eyebrow at her, "Hey, enjoy the freedom while you can. In a few months that baby will be here and you won't know what freedom is anymore. Consider it a pre-baby shower gift from me, take the afternoon."

"Thanks, Viv." Sam packed up her stuff, shut down her computer and headed home with her mind full of conflicting emotions and thoughts.

**Wake Me Up Inside**:

_Wake me up inside_

_Wake me up inside_

_Call my name and save me from the dark_

_Bid my blood to run before I come undone_

_Save me from the nothing I've become_

_Evanescence: Fallen, 2003_


	7. Chapter 7

Medley:

Chapter 7

**Lithium**:

_Lithium, don't wanna lock me up inside_

_Lithium, don't wanna forget how it feels without_

_Lithium, I wanna stay in love with my sorrow_

_Oh, but God, I wanna let it go_

_Come to bed, don't make me sleep alone_

_Couldn't hide the emptiness you let it show_

_Never wanted it to be so cold_

_Just didn't drink enough to say you love me_

_I can't hold on to me_

_Wonder what's wrong with me_

_Evanescence: The Open Door, 2006_

Elena and Jack arrived at the hospital and were quickly given access to the room where David Braxton was being examined. The doctor reviewed his condition which was pretty much what the police lieutenant had told them, dehydrated, exposure, some scrapes, a minor concussion and—well, hungry. They were given ten minutes with him and then he was to be transported to his room.

Parting the curtain Jack and Elena saw their missing person, the man they'd gotten to know from everyone and everything but him, in front of them. He was holding his brand new baby girl in his arms while his wife sat near him both her hands holding tight to her husband's arm.

Both looked up and Caitlin smiled in greeting as Jack and Elena approached.

"David Braxton, my name is Jack Malone and this is Elena Delgado, we're with the FBI; we've been looking for you."

"So my wife tells me, thank you, guess being found helped you guys out." David started to shift the baby to stretch out a hand but Jack stopped him.

"Not necessary, hang on to your baby girl." 

"Thank you."

"Mr. Braxton, can you tell us what happened?" Elena flipped open her notepad as she asked the question.

"I sure can, it was four days ago, I was going to catch a cab to the airport later that day to head back out to Utah. So, when it was time to go, I called a cab and when it came I said good bye to Caitlin and headed outside. I was just about to get in the cab when I heard my name called. I looked up and Jeff Pierce was jogging across the street towards me."

"Who is Jeff Pierce?" Jack asked while Elena jotted the name down.

He's a colleague of mine. We've worked a bunch of surveys together. He said he was hoping he'd catch me and would I let him drive me to the airport as he wanted to discuss some strange patterns he'd noted in some fires over the past few years. As I respected him, or did, I agreed. I let the cab go and grabbed my bag and got in the car with Jeff."

"I take it this Jeff Pierce didn't want to just exchange information with you about these fires." Jack noted.

"Oh, he was willing to exchange information all right; he wanted me to know that since I hadn't taken the hints and the threats, that now he was going to get serious and that meant eliminate me." Braxton stopped and gave his wife a quick kiss as her hands tightened on his arm.

"That's when he showed me he had a gun; shocked the hell out of me that's for sure. I've been fighting fires since I was 18 and I have a healthy respect for the beast, as I call a wildfire, and while I know what it can do when out of control I don't fear it; I respect the hell out of it knowing that I can never fully predict it, but when I saw that gun, I was scared." David stopped and Elena and Jack noticed his expression; he was reliving that moment.

"Is that when he drove you to the warehouse?" Elena asked trying to get him to continue.

"Yes, ma'am. I didn't say a word after he showed me that gun, I had no idea what he would or wouldn't do with it as I'd never seen Jeff that way. All of a sudden the serious yet funny man I considered a colleague and friend turned into a killer before my eyes, some of those fires I was suspicious of killed people and all of them killed land, animals, as well as people's dreams.

Anyway, we got to that warehouse and he got me inside, tied me up and dropped me into the elevator shaft, said he didn't want to shoot me 'cause he didn't want the body found with a bullet in it, the ropes would burn up in the fire. I asked him what fire and he said the one that would happen when the charges went off around me to demolish this building, said I'd only have to wait a day; building was set to be demolished the next day." David shuddered and held his baby girl a little tighter although the slumbering infant didn't notice.

"Before he left me there I asked him why he was doing this. He said he was just following orders and then he left me there."

"Do you have any idea what that means, "Just following orders"? Jack asked.

"I spent all the time I was down in that shaft trying to figure it out, whose orders and why, I have no idea. When you pick him up you can ask him."

"Any idea where he's headed?" Elena asked.

"Yeah, I expect he's out in Utah right now. Caitlin told me how that fire is out of control, damn fool, no reason for it either so I know for sure he's out there."

"Was he supposed to be there with you on this particular fire?" Elena followed up her question.

"He's with me on all the fires I do that's what really irks me; I've been trying to figure out who and why and all the while the very man I share all my suspicions to and all my information was taking it and using it against not only me but against the very thing we're hired to prevent."

"Any reason his name isn't on the current manpower manifest for the NSGS team?"

"Yeah, Jeff's freelance, I hire him on my own docket so he wouldn't show up on a manifest."

"Thank you, Mr. Braxton, we'll let you get some rest. We'll be back again tomorrow after you've gotten some rest to interview you again, in the meantime if you think of anything, here's my card, give me a call." Jack handed over his card and left the happily reunited family.

Stepping out into the corridor Jack and Elena saw a tall police lieutenant striding towards them.

"Agent Malone?"

"Lieutenant Krupp?"

"One and only, thought I'd have a chance to meet you here."

"We just finished interviewing him for now. Lieutenant, he said when he was left in that shaft he was told the building was to be demolished the next day, when you called me earlier, you said it was slated for demolition today, which is it?"

"It was scheduled for demolition earlier this week unfortunately the foreman who oversees the final inspection got in a car accident and broke his arm. They postponed it until today to allow him to get a permanent cast put on and be allowed to do the walk through, don't know if that's a gift or not as it appears Mr. Braxton was ready and able to call for help anytime he needed, guess we'll never know why things happen that way."

"I guess so." Jack commented.

"So do you guys keep following this up or what do you do?"

"Well, it appears this guy was abducted by someone on his survey team but since it's no longer a missing person, we'll turn it over to the local office in Utah to follow up. I've got two agents out there right now that can help bring them up to speed and maybe apprehend the kidnapper."

"Glad to have one end well." Lieutenant Krupp shook hands with Jack and Elena and then headed into the cubicle to complete some paperwork with David Braxton.

Vivian had finished boxing up the files for the Braxton case and alerted the agents actively working on the file by the time Jack and Elena returned. Once Jack brought her up to speed he headed into his office to call Danny and Martin and give them the update, as well as contact the Utah office involved.

Elena noted that Sam's desk was straight and that her coat was gone.

"Sam head home for the day?" Elena asked Vivian as she stood by the other agent's desk.

"Yeah, hopefully to think about some of what you and I apparently have talked to her about."

"Ah, so she bent your ear as well on some male issues?" Elena perched lightly at the edge of Vivian's desk.

"Yeah, seems you and I have similar opinions on Martin being a nice guy." Vivian leaned back in her chair and rubbed the back of her neck to relieve some tension.

"He is a nice guy; I actually have a friend that I think would be perfect for him and I mentioned something to Danny about it a couple of weeks ago and he told me to let it alone that he was pretty sure Martin's heart was somewhere else. I'll admit, I never thought of Samantha though, not sure why, just thought Danny and I were the first couple on the team."

Vivian smiled knowingly, "No, you and Danny weren't the first couple on the team, but you are a good couple, still Martin and Sam really had something. It was fun watching the two of them learn about each other and come to be friends and trust each other and then finally that trust, friendship and respect turned to flirting and then---well, when it ended, it ended quick and then just seemed to fade as if it never was."

Elena was quiet listening to Viv's memories. "You liked them together, didn't you?"

"I did and still do; Martin was and is good for Sam, strong, steady and protective without getting in the way of who she is as a person. Sam is equally strong and protective but too protective of herself to allow someone else within that protective fold. She's also someone who drew Martin out; she challenges his thoughts and perceptions and together they changed each other."

"Well, hopefully she'll think about what I said ,and I have a feeling you spoke your feelings quite clearly, didn't you, Viv?"

Vivian smiled but didn't comment. Elena patted her on the arm as she headed to her desk.

Just then Vivian's phone rang, grabbing the line she answered, "Agent Johnson."

"Viv." It was Jack's voice.

Turning in her chair Vivian looked across the area into Jack's office where he was waving for her to come and join him. Looking at him and then back at her phone she hung up and headed to Jack's office, upon reaching it she entered, when he motioned for her to close the door she complied.

"What's up, Jack, did you reach Danny and Martin?"

"Yeah, I hung up with them a moment ago. I was coming out to gather the files so I could update the Utah office and I overheard you and Elena talking."

"I see." Vivian stood her ground neutrally.

Jack looked at her and then sighed. "Viv, would you sit for a moment."

Vivian stared at him unflinchingly and then, after considering him for a moment, she took a seat.

After close to two minutes they were still sitting there silently. Vivian wasn't uncomfortable but she could tell that Jack was, she watched him wrestle with his thoughts and emotions and finally saw his expression change as she watched him sort them out.

"Sam asked me to be her Lamaze coach."

"Really."

"Judging by your dispassionate response, you already know."

"Is that a question?"

"Viv—" When Vivian just stared at him Jack cleared his throat and tried again.

"I told her it wasn't appropriate."

"And how did that go?"

"Not well."

"Hmm, I'll bet."

"Well, what happened afterwards was even worse." Jack paused as his thoughts drifted back to that night.

_Sam had fled his office in near tears, feeling badly Jack followed her to the ladies room where he stood for a minute wrestling with whether he should or shouldn't go inside, finally the chicken in him won out and he grabbed his briefcase from his office, turned out the light and headed out._

_Upon reaching the lobby he realized in his haste to leave he'd forgotten his coat which held his keys. Sighing and thinking of all the times to be this stupid he resignedly turned around, punched the elevator button and when it arrived headed back up to the 12__th__ floor._

_Exiting the elevator he was halfway down the corridor when he heard their voices._

"_I signed up for Lamaze class."_

"_Okay."_

"_Well, I don't know if you know much about Lamaze, well, there's the mommy and the father that attend Lamaze, of course the baby is there but, you know, that's 'cause mommy goes. Well, anyway, I know I haven't told you who the father is and even if I did it wouldn't matter because first of all you don't know him and second of all he's made it completely clear he wants nothing to do with me or the baby so, I need a coach; I'd like that person to be you." _

"_You'd like me to be your Lamaze coach?"_

"_Yes, silly, I'd—I'd like it to be you." _

"_When did you decide you wanted me to be your Lamaze coach?" _

"_What does it matter, I asked you." _

"_Yes, yes you did ask me. Did you ask me because Jack said no?" _

"_Why would you ask me that?"_

"_I saw you go into Jack's office. I saw you hold out that same piece of paper to him and I saw him shake his head no and I saw you stand there in disbelief."_

"_You were spying on me?"_

"_You're something, Samantha Spade. I didn't have to 'spy' on you. I was standing right at this table, facing the corridor and Jack's office. You knew that as you'd just walked past me on your way to his office."_

"_Did you enjoy the show?" _

"_Yeah, Samantha, the show was great. It was so good I walked to the file room and archived the papers I had been gathering up. I had no idea what you were in there talking to Jack about nor did I care as what you do is none of my business anymore, if it ever was. But then I come back from the file room and am getting ready to head home after a long day and just grab a quick dinner, maybe some of the game and head to sleep and here you are sitting at my desk waiting for me._

_What do you expect me to think when I see you with the same paper and standing there in the same posture and same hand twisting gestures as you just did in Jack's office?_

_You know what the real irony is, Samantha, if you'd asked me, if you'd come up to me and said, Martin, I'd like you, as my friend, to be my Lamaze coach, I'd have said yes. But you didn't, you asked Jack and when he turned you down, you didn't even think or wait or anything—not like that would have made it better—but you came right to me, your second choice._

_I know I'll never be good enough for you to consider as someone to love or to think of as anyone other than—I don't know anymore, Samantha, I thought we'd have a chance again at our friendship, but you've made it clear that I don't even rate that high for you. I'll never be anything other than your fallback plan and I can't do that anymore."_

"I didn't mean to eavesdrop on the two of them, Viv, and it was over so quick. I ducked into the stairwell and hid there until Martin left and then I stayed in there until Sam left. I felt so foolish hiding in the stairwell peering through the little glass but I didn't want either of them to know I heard."

Vivian sat quietly stunned. She'd seen the bittersweet emotions in Martin's eyes when Sam announced that she was pregnant. She knew he loved children and wanted his own and she knew he'd hoped he'd have them with Sam. As the weeks passed after Sam's announcement she watched Martin try to reach out to Sam as a friend and while the attempts weren't dismissed outright they were met with an indifferent acceptance

Something had changed right before Martin and Danny were sent to Utah though, Vivian had left one night leaving Martin and Sam working in the bullpen and while he'd given her a big smile and a goodnight she'd seen the sorrow in his eyes and decided she was going to talk to him the next day about Sam. When she came in the next day though something had dramatically changed, Sam was the one looking hurt along with defiant and Martin, Martin just looked devastated and he'd avoided Sam at all costs and she him.

Vivian had had no idea what had happened at the time but now, in the context of Jack's revelation it was all clear. Vivian loved them both; she loved Samantha's unrealistic emotions and Martin's true romanticism. She knew now that in that instant Martin's heart had shattered and he'd lashed out which was why Sam looked not only hurt but defiant as well. When Sam was hurt she hardened her shell and became angry, when Martin was hurt he would lash out in defense and then withdraw into himself.

"So that's what's going on between the two of them." Vivian breathed.

"Yeah, I doubt either of them know that I know but I tried to help a bit by keeping the two of them busy and doing separate tasks and when the need came up to send a couple of agents to Utah, it was a relief as I figured it would give the two of them some much needed space."

"Well, it may help in the short-term but the boys will be back soon and then what are you going to do about it, Jack?" Vivian focused again on the immediate problem.

"I don't know."

"Well, you better figure it out before it tears this team apart. Are we done?" Vivian stood sending the clear message to Jack that she was.

"Yeah, thanks." Jack's voice was low and Vivian could tell he was well aware of the ramifications of his past actions she only hoped that this time he would do something permanent about it and if that meant transferring either himself or Sam or Martin off the team, well that might be for the best in the long run even if it hurt in the short run.

After Vivian left the office Jack sat for a long time, long after Elena and Vivian bade him good night, long after he'd updated the Utah office, long into the night thinking about seven years ago when he'd first taken that foolish step with Sam. By the time his clock finally clicked to midnight he'd made his decision. Come tomorrow he'd act on it. Straightening his desk and grabbing his briefcase, coat and keys he shut off the light, locked the door and headed home.

**Lithium:**

_Oh! Don't wanna let it lay me down this time_

_Drown my will to fly_

_Here in the darkness I know myself_

_Can't break free until I let it go_

_Let me go_

_Darling, I forgive you after all_

_Anything is better than to be alone_

_And in the end I guess I had to fall_

_Always find my place among the ashes_

_I can't hold on to me_

_Wonder what's wrong with me_

_Lithium, don't wanna lock me up inside_

_Lithium, don't wanna forget how it feels without_

_Lithium, I wanna stay in love with you_

_Oh, I'm gonna let it go_

_Evanescence: The Open Door, 2006_


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: Remember that this is a story being told/revealed from shifting character POV's so while the prior chapter ended at midnight for Jack…this one actually takes place on the same day as the prior two chapters' events only this is from Danny and Martin's perspective---confused? Don't be.

**Medley**:

Chapter 8:

**Hello**:

_Playground school bell rings again_

_Rain clouds come to play again_

_Has no one told you she's not breathing?_

_Someone to talk to hello_

_If I smile and don't believe_

_Soon I know I'll wake from this dream_

_Don't try to fix me I'm not broken_

_Hello I'm the lie living for you so you can hide_

_Don't cry_

_Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping_

_Hello I'm still here_

_All that's left of yesterday_

_Evanescence: Fallen, 2003_

The next morning when Danny roused himself from his sleeping bag he was feeling more than a little uncomfortable after having slept the night on the ground inside their two-man tent on the side of the mountain. Noting that Martin was still burrowed inside his sleeping bag Danny rolled his up and exited the tent and, after doing his part to ensure there was nothing smoldering under the ashes and completing a quick wash up which consisted of throwing water on his face where there were buckets of water set for just such a purpose, he returned to the tent finding his normally energetic partner slowly dragging himself from his sleeping bag.

"Hey, sleeping beauty," Danny teased, "It is well past time to be up and about, the sun is thinking about showing itself in probably the next, oh, half an hour, we have a fabulously ashy landscape spread before us and we're looking at another day of trudging about on this scorched, cold and deathlike mountain before we get to hitch a bumpy, spine rearranging ride back down to Base Camp where we can enjoy a three minute shower and all the canned SPAM in the world, so rise and shine, amigo."

"You're way too happy, bro. Who put jet fuel in your coffee?" Martin said as he slowly rolled up his sleeping bag.

"Come on, man. We're almost done and that means back to civilization, back to New York and—" 

"Yeah, back to New York." Martin muttered as he tied off his bag and helped Danny disassemble the tent.

"Martin, seriously, are you even getting any sleep?" Danny noticed that not only did Martin's eyes look bloodshot but his voice was a bit raspy which it usually got when he was really tired.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'll be right back." Martin headed off to take care of his personal needs and, when he returned, he found Danny waiting for him with two plates of food and a couple bottles of water.

"Come on, you can't say I don't treat my dates right, I even got you breakfast." Danny waggled his eyebrows at Martin and was happy when he got a grin and a chuckle in return. Martin sat down next to him and the two men dug into their breakfast of ham and cheese sandwiches on thick bread.

After a few minutes of eating in quiet and watching the rest of the camp slowly begin to pack up, Danny looked over and saw Martin thoughtfully staring at the terrain around them.

"I'll give you a peso for your thoughts, I'm sure I've got one here somewhere." Danny teased pretending to pat his pockets for said item.

"Okay, okay. I'm using this trip to try and get some things straight in my head and in my heart and I—I'm just trying resolve myself to some things." Martin offered.

"Like what?"

"Like it's time I stopped living as if I were dead."

Danny sat quietly letting his friend gather his thoughts.

"This may surprise you, Danny, but sometimes I need a map drawn or to be hit upside the head or have the metaphorical piano fall on my head before I finally see the obvious." Martin sat still and waited knowingly and willingly giving Danny a wide open door.

"Really? You don't say. I hadn't noticed. Wow, I never would have guessed that about---"

"All right, all right smart-aleck." Martin glared at Danny who pasted a innocent looking smile on his face and stared right back. As Danny looked at Martin he noted a calmness that was showing through the obvious exhaustion.

"So, who dropped a piano on your head, did it leave a bump?" He reached over and started to poke Martin's head only to have his hand swatted away.

"Keep your paws to yourself, Taylor. Geez, just 'cause I've willingly shared sleeping accommodations with you for the last two nights and you're missing Elena doesn't mean you get to get all fresh with me. It's going to take more than a couple nights at this smoky, hazy resort and a ham sandwich before I give in so easy."

Danny sighed deeply and feigned injury to his pride before he settled down and gave Martin time to begin speaking again.

"No, this, all this," Martin indicated the devastation around them. "Between Putnam's and Christian's comments yesterday about all this being nature's way of rejuvenating the land and that while it all seemed lost now, give it a few years and it will come back more beautiful and alive than ever before, well, maybe I'm starting to think some things out and make some decisions."

When Martin paused Danny let the silence stretch for a few moments before he leaned against Martin nudging him with his shoulder and prompting, "And?"

"And it's been over two years since Sam and I broke up, and while she helped me along with you through my addiction and got me to get my head out of my ass and I'll never be able to repay her, or you for that matter—" Danny just nodded thoughtfully and Martin continued, "Maybe it's time to move on. It's obvious she's moved on, at least to other men and it's also obvious that her heart is and always will be tied to Jack but that doesn't mean I need to continue to allow mine to be tied to her—I don't know, maybe I—maybe I'm just trying to get it straight in my head and in my heart. I just don't know."

Danny stayed silent after Martin had finished speaking. He felt bad for both Sam and for Martin. He used to tease Martin for his crush on Sam when he first joined the team but truth be told, once he'd gotten to know Martin a bit, he realized this was a great guy and someone Sam could and would be safe with.

Unfortunately Sam had pretty willingly sunk that relationship and while he didn't truly know everything between them he would admit that he was pretty frustrated with her constant infatuation with Jack which now, in light of this new knowledge of their affair – jeez, some trained agent he was, how the hell had he missed that, it did explain her constant close proximity to Jack in any room, her subtle shift in voice when she talked to him or about him.

He also felt bad for Martin knowing how much his friend really did love Sam and now knowing that she not only had ruined her and Martin's relationship but now even two years after they broke up and, according to Martin, well over five years after her affair with Jack she'd asked Jack to be her Lamaze coach, well, he felt a surge of defensiveness on Martin's behalf, the man didn't deserve to be treated like crap.

"Well, man, while I know I teased you about Sam when you first came on board, I really was rooting for you to make it, but in light of what you've told me, maybe it's best you move on. You really do deserve happiness and, if moving on is going to help you find some happiness--" Danny left the comment hanging trying to gauge Martin's resolve.

"Yeah, well, I just don't know. I guess I'm trying the idea out loud to see how it sounds somewhere else than just inside my head."

Danny nodded in understanding and then in contemplative silence the two men finished their breakfast, rose, gathered their gear and headed towards the group that was just starting to collect in order to move further up the mountain.

By mid-afternoon Danny and Martin and the survey team had managed to wind their way slowly through the scorched earth. Along the way they stopped to clear out some snags and areas where smoldering was a possibility. The two agents used the opportunity to question as many of the other members of the hand crew as possible trying to pick up tidbits on the survey team, Braxton, as well their thoughts on why this fire had started.

Danny was examining an area of burned earth along with Zak Christian when suddenly he noticed the scorching of the earth seemed more extreme than other areas. Digging deeper into the earth he realized his initial thoughts appeared correct, having spent a fair bit of time the day before with other members of the survey team and peppering them with questions he knew enough of what he was looking at to know that, when the fire had burned this area, it had burned extremely hot.

"Martin," Danny called across the slope to his partner who was similarly examining the earth while chatting up another member of the mop up crew. Martin nodded to the team member he had been talking with and made his way across the rocky, stumpy, and tree strewn wasteland.

"What's up?"

"Look at this ground, tell me what you see." Danny pointed to the spot he had recently dug in and waited while Martin squatted down dug into it and looked closely. When he stood back up he noted Zak Christian making his way over, curious as to what had interested the two agents.

"Looks like this area was scorched deeply," Martin stated as Christian came into proximity.

Christian hadn't yet reached that section as he had been intrigued by some burned areas just below it but now hearing Martin's comment he knelt down and dug into the ashy, burned residue. Checking the depth of the soil and inserting some of his instruments into the ground he took measurements, collected samples and then quietly walked around the area for over 20 minutes, stopping periodically to dig, jot some notes in his pocket notepad, insert another instrument into the ground that recorded what, neither Martin or Danny knew, but they watched as the man did his job.

After he was done Zak came back over to them, "I'd say based on what I'm seeing right here that this is the point of origin for this fire."

"How is that possible," Martin asked, "There's burned terrain below this and this fire is moving up hill, how did it start burning here, go down the slope and then double back on itself and go back up the hill, wouldn't it die once it got to this area where all the fuel was already consumed?"

"That's correct it would, the area we were in yesterday we burned ourselves to ensure the fire didn't go back down the hill, it's a method called backburn. Once we recognized we had a fire on our hands we set that area on fire and backed it into this area to keep it from speaking down slope, this is where the fire started."

"Well, if you lit a fire below this and it burned up into this area, wouldn't this area naturally be overly hot because the two fires converged?" Danny asked.

"Not at all, in order for that to happen the fire would have had to stay in this spot, in essence waiting for the backburn to join up with it and fire doesn't do that no, by the time the fire we lit got to this area, the main fire had already moved up the slope, and truthfully, our backburn probably met this fire somewhere below us but it had no where to go once an area devoid of any fuels met another area equally devoid of fuels, once they joined together they burned out.

It's a control method and since this area burned itself out instead of being subjected to normal suppression efforts we can see that this is the point of origin. Also, I was noting the area at the other end of this section and there's a pattern. It's fairly neatly defined, in fact, it's unnaturally defined." Zak paused letting his words hang to see if the two agents caught his meaning; watching them he noted that they did.

"You mean it was deliberately defined." Danny voiced.

"That's exactly what I mean." Zak confirmed. "I've got to alert Chad to this, you guys stay here and I'll head up and tell him and bring him back down, okay?"

"No problem," Martin replied. "We'll take some photos for you and we'll guard the site, this is a crime scene."

"All right. I'll be back in about 20 minutes or so."

Zak set out straight up the hillside, clambering over felled trees and strewn branches leaving Danny to use his cell phone to snap photos of the site with its remaining batteries while Martin pulled his out preparing to call Jack. He hadn't the opportunity to dial when it started to ring and he noted somewhat bemused that it was Jack himself calling in, the connection wasn't great but he was able to hear him.

"Jack, Danny and I've discovered what appears to be a case of arson for this fire, and fairly sophisticated arson, this wasn't done by someone leaving a campfire unattended or dropping a match, this was planned."

Martin held his phone out so Danny could hear on the speaker setting and through some of the static and interference Jack's voice came through.

"I'll notify the local field office. They should get a team out there and probably bring in the ATF as well. In light of the news I have for you, I'm not surprised to hear this. We found David Braxton. He's alive and well and here in the city."

Martin and Danny exchanged looks that mirrored relief, it was always nice to have a case end positively.

"The threats we found were the cause. The man who was orchestrating the out of control burns was threatening Braxton and when that didn't get Braxton to back off his investigation but rather caused him to step it up, he kidnapped him."

"So, who was the mystery kidnapper?" Danny asked. "I don't like anyone on his team for it."

"Well, that's the part that we didn't know about," Jack continued, his voice suddenly coming in loud and clear. "Jeff Pierce is a member of Braxton's normal survey group, he doesn't show up on the manpower manifest simply because he's a freelance contractor and Braxton brings him on personally. Seems he had been trying to get Braxton to stop his investigation into the fires and when that didn't work, he took a more aggressive approach."

"Did Braxton have any ideas where this Jeff Pierce is right now?" Martin asked.

Jack's voice was obscured by a blast of static and then came back in faint but discernible, "--update the Utah office and get a team of agents out to you as soon as possible."

"We'll coordinate with them. I'm going to try to send you some pictures since I still have a little bit of juice left; they should get there soon." Danny stated.

"You two be careful; should be able to get you out of there in another day or so. We still don't know who is behind the fires or why." With that Jack disconnected.

Danny used the remaining power in his phone to transmit the images of the burn site; he hoped they'd get through. Until he got somewhere he could recharge his phone, it was just extra weight. Martin used the remaining power on his phone to snap some additional photos and as his batteries died he managed to send them to the office as well. With both their phones out of juice it was good they'd be getting out of here soon.

Standing there for a minute or so both agents noted the complete silence, similar to what they'd experienced before; this time however it was compounded by the fact that they were alone since the survey team had been moving steadily upward. A shift in the wind raised the ash and twirled it around in little dust devils at their feet that skipped and danced their way down the hill.

Neither Martin nor Danny paid attention to the fact that the wind had shifted until another moderate gust came down the upslope and brought with it more ash, some charred bits as well as settling a fine layer of smoke across the area. The arrival of the smoke and the immediate reminder it brought as well as a small bit of coughing on both men's part was followed instantly by the arrival of a man bearing the patch on his jacket of USGS survey team. He spotted the two agents and ran up to them clearly happy at finding them.

"Putnam sent me down to bring you two and Zak up. We're bumping up, the fire has started to loop around a bit and they need us to move up and help them contain the north line."

"Well, Zak just left us a few minutes ago to talk to Putnam." Danny replied giving the man a quick once over. He'd seen the guy with the group at dinner last night as well as on the trek up this morning but had yet to talk to him as he and Putnam were always deep in conversation.

"I know, I passed him on my way down. I told him I'd get you two. Our team just got orders to bump up the line to the north. Seems the fire has started to curve around that way and we've been called up to supplement that portion of the containment. There's no time to take you back down the mountain and no one wants you further in harm's way so I'm to take you to the south a bit. We've got a strong line of containment that way as well as several spike camps with a bit of an easier route to get you all back to Base camp. Follow me and I'll guide you out."

Martin and Danny hesitated only slightly, again a rush of air rolled down the mountain bringing a heavier cloud of smoke, ash and charred materials and even some slightly red embers still burning, since they would be landing on scorched earth there wasn't much reason for worry but the affect was immediate, the two agents quickly reached down, slung their packs on their backs and set off after the man who was leading them at an angle up the mountain.

After about ten minutes of climbing the trio entered an area that was completely untouched by the fire. The change was shocking, after two days of nothing but ash covered landscape that was occasionally darkened by blackened hulks of trees the color was almost an assault on the men's eyes. In some manner the going got easier since they didn't have to pick their way around trees that were blasted down in the fury of the fire or concern themselves with stepping into possible depressions that contained smoldering tree trunks hidden under the ash. On the other hand, since the wind was still coming down on them, the smoke was getting thicker obscuring their vision and causing them to experience a greater difficulty with their breathing.

As if sensing Martin and Danny's uneasiness their guide turned around and motioned for them to come closer. With their shrouds tight over their heads, necks and faces plus the wind blowing through the trees it was hard to hear their guide.

"Keep going straight on this angle. I'm going to check behind us since the wind seems to have shifted a bit more in the last few minutes. I want to make sure that above us is clear or else I'm going to start angling us back down and there's a better vantage point behind to look."

Martin and Danny quickly followed the direction their guide had been taking them and came around the rocky outcropping that had been obscuring their view up the mountain. Both men stopped dead in their tracks at the sight that met them. The canopy made by the tree limbs was ablaze with tongues of orange and red devouring the fuel. The sky was all but obliterated by the cloud of smoke; the roaring sound of the fire devouring trees above them filled their ears deafening them.

Both men quickly looked behind them but all they saw was smoke and through it flickers of red and they knew instantly that their path up and back was blocked, going forward would only allow the fire to catch them sooner leaving down the best way to get to safety, but now that they were in an unburned section safety was a long way off.

Martin, remembering some of the markers on the map he had studied grabbed Danny and pulled as he plunged downward, if memory served there was another rocky section just below and if they made it around that formation there was a small clearing where some logging had occurred a few years ago leaving them with minimal overhead hazards. If they could make it there, they could deploy their shelters.

The two men ran as fast as they dared with Danny checking constantly behind them on the progress of the fire. Remember the safety instructions that Putnam had ingrained in them he grabbed Martin halting his flight and when Martin looked at him Danny quickly shed his pack, grabbed his shelter and nodded sharply at Martin to do the same. In another moment the two men were lighter and moving faster, both had shed their goggles as well as their hard plastic helmets remember those items would likely melt in the temperatures they were about to endure.

In another short burst of speed they came upon the site Martin remembered. Ducking around the rocks they positioned themselves on the downward side of the protective barrier and quickly deployed their shelters. Climbing inside Danny's eyes quickly found Martin's; the two men exchanged a quick message and then they both closed themselves inside to wait whatever hand fate chose to deal them.

As Martin positioned himself in the containment face burrowed into the bottom of the shelter, hands and feet anchoring the material to the ground his thoughts whirled in a myriad of emotions and patterns. The roaring around the shelter increased until it sounded as if a freight train was running overhead, the heat inside the shelter rose and he felt his body respond and the sweat begin to pour off him. Idly he wondered if he'd end up lighting himself on fire as he and Danny continued to wear their service pistols under their gear but then remembered the flash point of gunpowder.

Hell, he thought somewhat ludicrously, we'll boil to death before our own guns explode on us, wonder which way is faster.

Dismissing that less than comforting thought from his mind, Martin latched instead onto the next thought that flashed through his brain, Sam. Realizing at this very moment, the moment of impending death he wanted more than ever to live and to live like he was alive.

**My Last Breath:**

_Holding my last breath_

_Safe inside myself_

_Are all my thoughts of you_

_Sweet raptured light_

_It ends here tonight_

_Closing your eyes to disappear_

_You pray your dreams will leave you here_

_But still you wake and know the truth _

_No one's there_

_Say goodnight_

_Don't be afraid_

_Calling me calling me as you fade to black_

_Evanescence: Fallen, 2003_


	9. Chapter 9

Medley:

Chapter 9

**Bring Me to Life**

_How can you see into my eyes like open doors  
__Leading you down into my core  
__Where I've become so numb without a soul  
__My spirit sleeping somewhere cold  
__Until you find it there and lead it back home_

_Wake me up inside  
__Wake me up inside  
__Call my name and save me from the dark  
__Bid my blood to run before I come undone  
__Save me from the nothing I've become_

_Evanescence: Fallen, 2003_

Sam allowed the hot, soapy water to sooth her body, easing away the aches and tension from her body and her mind. Resting her head back she closed her eyes and reflected over the last couple of days. The words of Elena and Vivian kept echoing in her mind and the more she wrestled with them, trying to convince herself that they were wrong the more she found herself growing aware that their words were, in fact, accurate.

Martin was a good man. It was hard to admit to herself that she had been the one who judged him from the start. She had teased with Danny about his father's supposed influence over his career, assuming him to be nothing more than a privileged kid who was following in daddy's footsteps because he had to. Funny, it hadn't occurred to her at the time that he might actually be a good agent, and it certainly never occurred to her that he was battling the same stereotype she battled.

She quickly found him to be hardworking and genuinely interested in learning and bettering himself. True he was opinionated and a bit naïve on some things—well, many things but he was a quick learner and while he was willing to share credit, he was equally willing to show another person up as a fool if it meant either evening the score or, in the case of their first assignment, staking his right to be on the team as profoundly as Danny was staking his claim as a ranking member of the team.

Somehow he easily slipped under her radar and she found herself admitting little things to him that she never intended to admit, her love of messy, complicated relationships, her intention to never have children or a marriage, her dislike of therapy, her pain at killing those two men right after her return to work from being shot and her need for someone, anyone to lean on even if it was just a drink and nothing more.

The more time went on the more she noticed how the job affected him as well;, his pain over Anwar Samir's death, his sorrow as more and more of the people they were trying to bring home safely ended up dead, his devotion to his aunt to the point of blaming himself for being blind to her pain as he buried himself in the hope of her recovery.

She found that she enjoyed his quirky little hobbies, his knowledge of science fiction was geeky to be true but it was also endearing, and while she teased him a little she noted he didn't tease her past raising an eyebrow at her ready knowledge of the latest tabloid gossip, perhaps he had recognized how thin skinned she really was.

As the water in the tub began to cool she got up, dried herself off and pulled on a pair of comfy leggings and an oversized shirt, then wrapped her hair in a large soft towel and then herself in a fluffy robe before settling on the couch with some tea and soup for supper and turning the TV on, with the volume down low, for company.

Her thoughts idly wandered over the past few years, why had she invited Martin over that night, was it as he had told her once right before they broke up, was it just her way of making sure she wasn't alone at night, was he truly just her consolation prize? She remembered that night, that was after the abduction of Mike Gerard, after she and Martin had fought about Knicks tickets, after she had told him she was a woman who had slept with two members of her team.

She remembered the hurt on his face but at that time she was so wrapped up with protecting her dignity or reputation or—she sighed and realized that it didn't matter anymore what it was she had been trying to protect. Any dignity or reputation she had been trying to protect was gone now anyway.

Unconsciously she rubbed her hand over her growing belly; everyone now knew the truth about Samantha Spade. She slept around and it had caught up with her at last. Now she was going to be exactly what she had tried so hard to escape, single and a mother, alone but for a tiny little baby dependent on her for everything. How the hell was she supposed to deal with that, she had no one in her life outside work, work was her life.

How was she supposed to deal with raising this baby and continuing to work? It wasn't like she could bring the crib into the bullpen, that would be something Ah, excuse me everyone but I need to go nurse my baby, can you hold the case conference for about ten minutes, I'll just be in the—oh, I guess I'll just use Interrogation Room 2.

Yeah, that would have her looking really good. And what did she expect if Jack did somehow get involved with her again—more to the point, why had she even asked him? She knew his work consumed him, in fact, that's part of what made him so damn attractive to her in the first place. They thought alike, they similarly were dedicated to the work.

In fact, now that she thought about it she remembered entering his office once, before they had their affair, and he was finishing a call to his wife. She knew he was getting the raw end of it from Maria based on his comments. At that time she had been there less than a year but she was already extremely protective of him; Jack was a damn fine agent and a great boss. He taught his agents what he knew and he always made it clear that he would back their play just so long as they told him what it was first.

She remembered that when he hung up after getting chewed out by Maria she had made a point of taking on a little extra work just to ease his burden. She hadn't even thought about it at the time but truth was she liked doing things for him, liked having him rely on her, liked being the person in his life that didn't give him grief for being so dedicated to his work and she thought that Maria should cut him some slack, if she had any idea what the work was all about and how good her husband really was at it and how valuable his knowledge and dedication was she should just sit at home and dutifully wait until he got there and, when he did, she should just take care of him.

Suddenly Sam stopped her rambling thoughts and concentrated for a moment on those last ones. Oh, God, she really had thought that Jack should have a wife at home who made his meals, did his laundry, cleaned his home and met him at the door with slippers in one hand, the other hand empty ready to take his coat and briefcase from him.

She had been a fool. If that's what she felt that Jack should have as a wife, why the hell did she want to have him intimately in her life now? That wasn't what she wanted at all, she didn't want to be the little woman staying home tending her man's needs, always in the background. She wanted to have both, the loving husband and the fulfilling career and while she hadn't ever seen herself as a mother that was no longer a choice and she was going to have to take responsibility for the little life that was growing inside her.

She also knew that it was possible to have both. Yes, it meant sacrifices; it meant long hours; it meant having to choose carefully what to be involved with and what not to, and it meant missing certain things but she had two strong female colleagues and friends who proved to her that it was possible; but it wasn't possible alone.

Vivian had a strong marriage and a teenage son, and she was nobody's little woman hiding in the background. Elena had a failed marriage, a new romance that probably had a future and a young daughter and she had support to help her with Sophia, and Elena was someone who was strong, fearless and capable. In fact, both women were capable agents, intelligent, strong, respected, both were strong at work and in their personal lives. Truth be told, both were the kind of woman she had always wanted to be; weren't they?

Sam stared into her mug of now cold tea and thought for a long time, had she really always wanted a husband, a child and a career? Were all her comments in the past about complicated and messy relationships simply protection against her thoughts of inadequacy and that since she hadn't had any positive role models growing up that she wouldn't be good at it and thus didn't deserve to try?

Was that why she torpedoed her relationship with Martin who she knew wanted marriage, children and a career and she also knew that he cared for her and not only for her body; if she had ever doubted it his reaction to her arrival at his apartment after arresting Brian Stone and bringing Mike Gerard safely back to his parents certainly dispelled that notion.

_It was 9:00 p.m. by the time Sam exited the cab in front of Martin's building. She hadn't noticed he'd left the office and by the time she did it was well past 8:00 p.m. She hadn't seen him when he came back. She hadn't thought to go looking for him since she didn't want to appear too concerned. She'd talked to Danny and he'd assured her that all was fine so there wasn't any need for her to go look for him, right?_

_Standing at the door to his apartment she fingered the key he'd given her months earlier. She'd never used it, it sent too much of a message. So she balled up her hand and knocked on the door. After a moment or two she heard his footsteps and heard the slight click as he peered out the little peephole. She smiled brightly at him and then heard him unlock the door and open it up for her._

"_Hi, you should have told me you were leaving. I would have been by sooner." She said as she walked past him._

_Silently he closed the door behind her and locked it then returned to the couch._

"_Well, I figured if you wanted to see if I was all right, you would have checked with me at the office and since you didn't, I just decided to leave once I'd completed talking to Jack."_

"_Well, I knew you were all right, silly. I talked to Danny and he told me so." Sam replied wondering why Martin didn't hug her or even smile now that she'd arrived. She usually didn't come to his apartment she usually had him over to hers, so why then wasn't he happier she'd made the effort?_

"_Did he? Well, as long as Danny told you I guess you didn't need to check with me."_

"_Martin, I knew you were all right and I didn't want it to look—"_

"_What, like you cared?"_

_Sam remained standing in the room in front of the couch. Martin hadn't invited her to sit down or take her coat, what was wrong? She moved to sit next to him on the couch and, when she did, she was shocked as he stood up and moved away._

"_You know what, Samantha, Danny asked if I was all right. Jack asked if I was all right. Vivian asked if I was all right. Nobody would have thought anything of it if you had asked me if I was all right, colleagues do that, friends do that. But then again, I'm only the guy you're sleeping with."_

"_Martin, I think you're being a little melodramatic." Samantha stood up to face him._

"_You do, huh? Well let me tell you something, it would have been nice if this morning after you arrived at the scene if you had asked me if I was all right."_

"_I knew you were all right! I got the call that said you had witnessed the abduction and tried to chase down the vehicle. Geez, Martin, it's not like you got hit by a car or shot at, I knew you were all right!" Exasperated Samantha paced a bit away from him._

"_Sure, physically I was top notch. Did it ever occur to you that perhaps I felt guilty? That perhaps I could have used some support from you, did it occur to you that that might be what I needed? Even Jack gave me that, and he defended me to that boy's father when he blamed me for letting his son get kidnapped. It felt good to hear Jack say he supported me but I really needed that from you."_

"_Well, what do you want from me, do you want me to say it now? I worked that case just as hard as anybody else did so that you would feel better and we'd find that boy."_

"_Yeah, you did your job, Sam, but what about a little emotional support. How would you have felt seeing that little boy taken right in front of you and wondering whether you should have seen that coming and stopped it? How about being in the car when Stone tried to kill himself? Did it occur to you to just come up to me and say something like, I'm glad you're all right. Do you need anything? I'm here if you need or want to talk."_

"_Anyway it's not like you came to find me to ask me for any of that." Is what she ended up saying and as soon as she did she cringed._

"_You're right I didn't come begging for any emotional support from you. Not like you did when we worked the Colleen McGrath case." He bitterly stated._

"_I didn't come begging for emotional support." Samantha retorted angrily._

"_That's right you didn't, you know why?" Martin continued without letting her reply, "because I was already there. I came and found you on the balcony when you were upset. I stayed late and worked through files when almost everyone else had gone home for the night. I sat with you and lent you my ear and my support when you were undercover in that motel. You didn't have to come looking for emotional support because I gave it."_

"_Well, I'm here now." Sam defended herself._

"_Yes, you are. You're right here where no one can see you and no one can see us because heaven forbid anyone know that you care about me. You know why I want people to know about us?"_

_Sam shook her head silently._

"_Because I care about you; I care about all of you, your body, your mind, I care about what makes you laugh and cry, and I don't care that anyone else knows. I'm not worried about what other people think; I only worry about what you think. I needed you today. I needed you to show me that I matter somewhere else than between your sheets."_

"_Stop saying things like that. You do mean more to me than just sex." Sam was getting angry this wasn't what she came over here for._

"_Really? I'm not so sure anymore, in fact, I'm more sure than ever that all I am to you is someone to warm your bed."_

Thinking back on that conversation now, in light of her conversations with Elena and Vivian Sam realized something very important that she had never seen before. She had treated Martin exactly how Jack had treated her; the difference was that Martin had smartened up and ended it while she had continued on her fantasy that somehow she could be more to Jack.

Sex, the kind that got her into this current situation, expectant mother, single, daddy not wanting anything to do with her, in fact, ordering her to get a paternity test to ensure it was his baby, like she was some kind of a tramp, that was what she and Jack had had. Sure, they had cuddled a bit afterwards but never for long since he had to get home to Maria and the kids.

He had made it clear from the outset that he wasn't going to leave Maria and even at the end he was willing to leave his job, leave her to go with Maria to Chicago even though it meant taking a demotion; he had never been willing to make such a sacrifice for her. Theirs was a relationship that was hidden and could never be anything but hidden.

He couldn't transfer out so they could resume their relationship after his divorce because there wasn't anywhere for him to transfer to unless he left New York and then what, was she supposed to follow behind. He hadn't even mentioned that now that he was divorced they could resume their relationship but only if she left his command. He hadn't known about her and Martin until that case involving Brian Stone, so he'd had plenty of time to mention to her that they should get back together and make a go of it for real this time but he hadn't.

She really was a fool. Even since that time there had been nothing, no intimation that he wanted to get back together with her, his confession as it were about Anne and him expecting a baby, what was that, was that his idea of keeping his options open, God the nerve---and that's exactly how she had treated Martin. Keep the relationship quiet, not out of fear of what others would think but because of what Jack would think and now that Maria had left maybe—maybe. She had treated Martin the way Jack had been treating her. No wonder he'd told her it was over.

Well, what Martin said and what Sam did about it were two different things. He'd told her that it shouldn't have to be a fight. Well, maybe it shouldn't have to be her fighting her feelings for Jack over her feelings for Martin, maybe it shouldn't have to be her fighting her fears, lack of self-confidence, her fears over what others might think, maybe it should be a fight for her to show him just how much he did mean to her and just what a fool she had been.

Maybe, just maybe if she showed him just how important he was to her and she showed him that she didn't care any longer about what others thought or said or did, then maybe he'd realize that she was willing to fight to have him back in her life and that she was fighting for him and not against herself.

Comforted by that thought and knowing exactly what she had to do Sam got up from the couch prepared to clean up her dishes and head to bed for some rest, tomorrow was going to be a very interesting day. As she held her finger over the on/off button preparing to shut her TV down for the night she caught a flash of a news teaser that was showing the fire out in Utah so she turned up the volume.

//And tonight we'll bring you the latest on the wildfire in Utah. Sources say the fire broke through a weak containment line as it was driven by a strong and sudden shift in the wind. Crews were able to escape its path and finally that portion of the fire has burned itself out. Experts say the overnight weather should bring much needed relief as the cool front that is also laden with heavy moisture moves into the region.//

Good, Sam thought. The quicker the boys come home, the quicker I can tell Martin my intention to win his trust back no matter what it takes.

**Bring Me to Life**

_All this time I can't believe I couldn't see  
__Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me  
__I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems  
__Got to open my eyes to everything  
__Without a thought without a voice without a soul  
__Don't let me die here there must be something more  
__  
__Wake me up inside  
__Wake me up inside  
__Call my name and save me from the dark  
__Bid my blood to run before I come undone  
__Save me from the nothing I've become_

_Evanescence: Fallen, 2003_


	10. Chapter 10

Medley

Chapter 10:

**How You Remind Me**:

_Never made it as a wise man  
__I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing  
__Tired of living like a blind man  
__I'm sick of sight without a sense of feeling  
__And this is how you remind me  
__This is how you remind me  
__Of what I really am  
__This is how you remind me  
__Of what I really am_

_It's not like you to say sorry  
__I was waiting on a different story  
__This time I'm mistaken  
__For handing you a heart worth breaking  
__And I've been wrong, I've been down  
__Been to the bottom of every bottle  
__These five words in my head scream  
_"_Are we having fun yet?"_

_Nickelback: Silver Side Up, 2001_

Martin didn't know how much time had passed since he'd closed up the shelter and lay prone on the ground. He heard the roaring sound of the wind and the flames as they passed overhead, the heat had risen in the shelter until he felt his skin begin to burn and he felt the burning down in his lungs each time he dragged air in through his mouth. The inside of his mouth, nose and throat all filled with a dusty dry grit that he tried to cough out but in doing that he only managed to stir up more of the fine debris and drag even more of the superheated air into his lungs.

The shelter was battered by the forces raging outside of it and he wondered if it would all rip away exposing him to the furnace that was just outside. He wondered how Danny was doing, was he experiencing the same sense of fear as he was, was his mind filling with thoughts of being burned alive, of tumbling out from this flimsy 'shake-n-bake' as he'd heard some of the hand crew call these shelters.

In a moment of absurdity Martin thought that this was probably the last time Jack would ever send him and Danny anywhere since this would be the second time the two of them had managed to get caught in a life or death situation. He could imagine the stern talking to they would get for being careless enough to get ambushed a second time in their career. Ambushed? Where did that thought come from? Martin wondered and then as the inferno raged around him outside his shelter his mind latched onto that which would help keep him calm during this terrifying event, how the hell had they gotten led straight into the fire when they were supposed to be getting taken further away. There was only one way and that is their 'guide' wasn't a guide at all, perhaps he had started out as a guide but something changed and he'd become their enemy. Why?

As the roaring wind tore at this shelter threatening again to send it sideways Martin clamped his hands and feet more solidly into the earth and pressed his body firmly into the ground, the increased pressure as he tried to burrow into the earth brought back a painful reminder as something dug into his hip bone, his cell phone. That was it, Martin figured their guide likely was Jeff Pierce himself. He must have overheard his and Danny's conversation with Jack on the speakerphone setting, although static had frequently interfered with the connection there had been times when Jack's voice burst through as if he was shouting.

It must have been Pierce, Martin thought again, and he must have been sent down to move us up, heard the discussion and realized that it wouldn't be long before we identified him. Having decided on that as the probable identity of their 'guide' Martin tried to figure out what was behind the fires.

So far their questioning of the survey crew had led to fairly uniform impressions, these were science guys. They did what they did because they loved it, believed in it and truly wanted to do right by nature. Not really a motive there, Martin surmised, unless someone was trying to not do right by nature. Well, the fires certainly have burned out of control and damaged more than they were supposed to but by all accounts nature would regenerate and ultimately be better off for the fire.

There had to be something else than nature. Braxton employed Pierce separate from the USGS, was there something in the two men's past? If there was Martin didn't know it and since they hadn't either Pierce or Braxton available to them that wasn't a line they were going to be able to follow up on. There were so many different locations for the fires, yet all of them were prescribed burns by Braxton and Pierce so damaging Braxton's credibility couldn't be the motive since by doing so Pierce would be damaging his own.

Jack had also said they didn't know who was behind the fires which meant Braxton didn't know or he'd have told them or maybe there was something in the clues. He and Danny had spent this day questioning the crew just like yesterday and while everyone was loyal to Braxton or at the very least loyal to Mother Earth and the correctness of burns there was something there, something nagging that Martin couldn't quite put his finger on ---

There was different quality to the sound outside his tent.

Martin allowed his mind to focus away from piecing together the case and to focus again on the sounds of nature outside the tent. The wind was not tearing as violently at the shelter, in fact, the roaring sound of freight train after freight train bearing down on him was fading away. Martin realized that although the inside of the shelter was excruciatingly hot, it wasn't growing any hotter and he actually could breathe without feeling like his throat was being seared away.

After an unknown number of minutes in which Martin allowed his mind to rest in order to process and reorganize he decided to call out, hopefully---God willing, Danny would answer him.

"Danny!"

Martin waited, counting: one, two, three---

"Martin!"

Thank God.

"You okay?"

"I feel like a roasted marshmallow."

"Smooshed between two graham crackers?"

"Yeah, and someone forget the best part, chocolate."

"I hear you, man."

"How long do you think we should stay in here?"

Good question Martin thought, he hadn't thought to ask that particular question when learning about these shelters.

"Um, ten minutes?"

"Okay. Sounds good to me. So, what ya been doing?"

Martin all but laughed as he recognized the forced nonchalance of his partner, figures Danny would try to relieve the tension with a little less that humorous humor.

"Just working on my tan."

"Yeah, me too."

The two men were silent for a few moments as the reality that they actually might survive this most horrifying experience began to sink in.

"You know, Martin, I've been thinking about the case."

Martin wanted to laugh and respond, Just keep thinking, Butch, that's what you're good at. But he wasn't sure he'd be able to speak the joke without starting to laugh hysterically, of all the things they don't teach you at Quantico; he'd be sure to tell them to update their psychological testing.

"Me too."

"Figured. Anyway, so it had to be Mr. Jeffrey Pierce who led us into this lovely little inferno."

"That's what I guessed. Remind me to thank him when we catch him."

"Righto. Now, as to the whys, I'm thinking a little along these lines: We know it isn't anything to do with discrediting Braxton since it would also be discrediting Pierce and we also know that Pierce isn't the guy behind all of this."

"I'm with you so far." The nagging in the back of Martin's head was buzzing more now.

"So, what did we hear especially today when we asked more open-ended questions and even had several groups of people talking together?"

"That none of these fires wouldn't have gotten so out of hand if there were more crews available and they hadn't laid off---" That was it, the buzzing in the back of Martin's head fairly screamed at him.

"Hell, Danny, that's it. This is simply a matter of PR."

"I agree. All the fires Braxton noted, all the members of this crew here who were also members of those crews stated the same thing today, that they remembered all those fires had gotten a lot of bad press because about a month prior the local authority had laid off some of the fire crews."

"So someone is out there lighting up fires where local crews have been laid off, to what, get them back on the payroll?"

"Could be that simple." Danny replied, his voice sounding weary and muffled.

"Yeah, could be, but in at least one of those fires two firefighters were killed as well as some civilians, what's that, tough love?"

"I'm not sure. Wouldn't it be great if we could just look up all the fires and talk to the folks there and see who was the most angry about the fires and who had the most to gain and lose and---"

"Yeah, Taylor, that would be great, wait a minute, did you say angry?"

"Yup."

"I remember talking to someone today about that first fire, the one in Arizona in 2002 he said a guy named Hastings, yeah, Todd Hastings was real upset at that fire, how he kept going on and on about if they hadn't cut the crews loose."

"Yeah, now that you mention it, I was talking to Moody again today and he mentioned the same thing, said he was glad that Hastings wasn't here this year or they'd have to hear the same old story about how if the bureaucrats---"

"And the pencil pushers—"Martin added.

"Yeah, and the little piss ant bean counters didn't cut the crews, then they'd have the proper people in place."

"So what would Hastings' reasons be, what, he got cut? Doesn't make sense he'd go to all these places and set fires or get someone else to do it for him."

"No, it doesn't. Makes me want to know why Hastings isn't here this time but Pierce is, sounds like he was planning to be here perhaps."

"Could be, at this point I think I'd be happy if he was here. I'd send him out to find out how's the temperature outside." Martin could tell that there was a lessening of the temperature outside the shelter but how much it was lessening was anybody's guess and from what height was it lessening, he wondered.

"How long you think we've been in here?" Danny asked.

"Long enough to make a big break in the case – I'm figuring close to an hour, hang on." Martin managed to wiggle enough to peel back his glove with his teeth, the taste of ash and dirt made him want to gag but since gagging meant coughing and coughing mean stirring up whatever debris was in the shelter and in his lungs thus making the situation worse, he managed to quell it and finally was able to focus on the tiny glow from his watch.

"Yeah, about an hour." Martin confirmed.

"So, got any marshmallows left to send out and see how quickly they melt?"

"Ah, no. What say we wait ten more minutes and then try."

"Yeah, sounds good in a boring yet probably safe sorta way. Smells like something died in my shelter, how about yours?" Danny asked.

"Lovely, Taylor. Thank you for that." Truly Martin was smiling and nearly giddy with relief, they had endured the worst the fire could throw at them and survived. Now if they could only get off this damn mountain and get the word out, they could track down the person responsible for all the damage.

By the time ten more minutes had passed the two men were both eager and nervous about getting out of their shelters. With no experience to go by and absolutely no one to guide them at what they might find they made a pact and on the count of three simultaneously opened their life-saving shelters.

Martin thought the last day plus of walking on charred earth would have prepared him for what he saw but it didn't begin to compare. This was ground they had seen alive, green, gold, Aspens and pines towering and glittering around, now all they saw was gray. The carcasses of the majestic trees stood out in black relief to the curls of gray smoke that wafted through the air.

In the dying light of the day Martin witnessed the final dying moments of this portion of the landscape, some tiny flickers of red flame continued to curl and lick around a stray branch or pile of leaves that had escaped the onslaught but would not survive much longer.

The two agents stumbled in a circle at times looking at each other in amazement that they were actually alive, at other times they stood in awe trying to process that what had been green and alive was now gray, black and dead or dying. The silence was eerie, the smell of the smoke overpowering,

Danny couldn't believe how the change in the landscape shook him inside. He was always a city kid, born and bred for the concrete and the steel and other than the parks and streams in the city he didn't pay nature much attention. But this, this was more than he could immediately process; he'd seen fire burn down a house, sure, but he'd never considered that structure living and breathing. The trees he'd only a short time ago run around, the branches he had ducked under, the leaves that had crunched under his feet all were gone, burned, destroyed, dead.

The reality of their situation rapidly came to both men as they regrouped mentally and decided to take stock of their situation. Danny wanted to laugh at Martin, knowing that he didn't look any different. Martin's blue eyes shone through on bloodshot whites, the only color in sight as the rest of his partner was covered in a gray, black layer of soot and grime occasionally streaked where sweat had dripped and muddied the grime.

Danny reached up a hand and rubbed his own face and instantly regretted it as small patches of sensitive skin met the roughened fabric of his fire retardant gloves. That momentary flicker of discomfort had him begin to focus on his body and gradually all the parts of his body began to sound off as to what hurt and what didn't. Danny felt sore muscles and bruises, and occasional bubble of skin that felt overly hot, and the beginning of blisters on his feet courtesy of his newly issued supposedly proper footwear.

"Martin, are you all right? Do you feel any bad injuries?" Danny turned to his partner and noticed that the man seemed to be doing the same thing he was, taking stock.

"Other than some bruises, a scratch or two, maybe a patch of burned or at least overly heated skin I'm fine, oh, yeah, these new boots are giving me some wonderful blisters; you?"

"I think we're the same, so now what?" Danny looked around, there wasn't anyone in sight, the fire was below them and judging from the wind that was starting to pick up from atop the mountain, it was being driven away.

"Do you feel the change in the air?" Martin asked.

Danny concentrated and then he recognized it, the air was getting heavier and through the smoky taste in his mouth and smell in his nostrils he was fairly certain he smelled something else---rain.

"Weather system they've been waiting for is moving in, I think we're in for a cold and wet night, my friend." Martin stated in a matter of fact way.

The two men spent the remaining light of day making their meager camp for the night. They only had what they carried in their coats which didn't amount to much but did produce a half a bottle of water and a couple bags of trail mix and some energy bars, their little first aid kits as well as headlamps and their Leatherman tools.

Dragging their shelters up they slit them the long way and managed to stuff them into the curve of the rocks that had protected them and finding some thick branches that were charred but not crumbling managed to fashion a crude tent, it wouldn't be much but it might keep them mostly dry. Pushing some flatter rocks under their tent they made a little platform to sit on keeping off the ground and provided some much needed heat as the rocks maintained some heat from the fire.

After both men had taken care of personal needs and downed an energy bar and a couple of swigs of water they hunkered down for the night. Hopefully morning, a long way off, would bring them rescue that is if anyone was looking for them. They huddled side by side trying to share what warmth their bodies provided as well as what protection their meager shelter provided.

Throughout the night both men woke periodically, heard the other breathing, remembered where they were and what had happened and then tried to drift off again. At one time both men woke and realized the other was awake as well.

"Martin, you're not as cuddly as Elena, but you do make a decent pillow." Danny quipped trying to break the tension he felt not only in himself but in his partner.

"Yeah, well, don't be thinking I'm easy just because I'm letting you drool all over me. What the hell, are you dreaming of Elena?"

"Yep, you?"

"I am not dreaming of Elena."

"Good think, bro, I might have to set you straight. Seriously, Martin, when we get out of here which we will, my amazing sense of direction---"

"Gets you lost on the Henry Hudson every time – don't start."

"--- as I was saying, when we get out of here, and we will, what are you going to do about Sam?"

Martin was quiet for so long that if Danny didn't know what Martin's breathing sounded like when he was asleep – and that was a little nugget of information he never intended to let anyone know he knew – he'd have been fooled. Finally he heard Martin start to speak.

"Sam's in love with the idea that love and relationships need to be broken, dark, edgy, moody and I don't fit that model. I'll never be good enough for her simply because I'm available and I'm not someone who wants to stay broken or dark. I certainly have those qualities but I try to learn and grow and that's what I think a relationship should be and certainly I know Sam challenged me to grow.

But Sam likes the dark, broody, risky relationships I think for a couple of reasons, one is that she's always expecting it to end and when it does, she can just blame it on that guy. See, if she were to take a chance and invest in a supposed 'nice guy' –read boring to her -- someone who really cares about her and it goes sour, she'll know that everyone knows that she's the problem.

I wish Sam would give herself credit for all that she is and all that she has to offer. I thought I could get through to her and show her just how amazing she is and how and why someone would want the world to see her the way he does. In the end she pushed me away and she tried to break me and she came really close, really, really close to breaking me.

Danny stayed quiet but inside he hurt for Martin and he hurt for Sam. He knew that all of what Martin said about Sam and her insecurity was right on the mark, he had sized her up from the beginning and he had watched as she blossomed and seemed to grow in confidence as Martin joined the team and the two developed a strong friendship and respect.

"I really didn't want to end the relationship with her, but I couldn't stand where it was going and by the time I'd made the decision to end it she'd made the decision to go public with it. Problem was, by then my confidence was so bruised that I didn't trust my instincts with her anymore and I didn't trust her, that's what happens with us guys who wear our hearts on our sleeves, you bruise it enough times you eventually break it."

"You should have seen her when you got shot, Martin. She didn't care who knew her level of concern."

"So I was told, but the thing about that, Danny, is nothing really changed. I returned to work and except for a few momentary flickers that showed we'd once had something deeper we basically just went back to being colleagues, not even friends. I was so caught up in trying to prove I was fine and trying to get back to full speed on the job as well as hiding my drug problem that there just wasn't energy for anything else and she didn't try either. We both just drifted and now we've drifted so far that we don't even know how to go back or where that is.

This last year has sucked. I feel great physically, my head is clear, my focus at work is back and better, hell even my dad and I can talk and it's not completely awkward. But what I've begun to notice is that Sam is so distant, so much so that I barely recognize her. She's almost cold.

I think it took this trip and all this destruction to realize that I don't want to be living in the past anymore. If Sam wants dark edgy guys, then she's welcome to them. I don't want to be that guy and even when I was that guy, she didn't pay me any attention so that just proves to me that she never wanted me for anything other than a safe bet when whatever guy she had pinned her eye on got away. Now she's pregnant, probably by some dark edgy guy and no surprise, he's not there for her; there's a reason they're called 'bad guys' and they all leave. Nice guy Martin is around so she'll try to use him when she can and just for what she needs. Well, I'm tired of being the nice guy that finishes last and I'm tired of pinning my hopes on something that never was and never will be."

Danny stayed quiet as Martin poured out his thoughts. The two men settled quietly on the dark, smoky, dead mountainside as the wind gently drove the weather front in and the rain that everyone hoped would come began to fall. Finally Danny began to drift, lulled by the gentle patter of rain on the ground and overhead on the shelter that rested on his head, just before he nodded off he heard Martin softly whisper:

"It took this and it took here to remind me of who I am."

**How You Remind Me**

_It's not like you didn't know that_  
_I said I love you and I swear I still do  
__And it must have been so bad  
_'_Cause living with me must have damn near killed you  
__And this is how you remind me  
__Of what I really am  
__This is how you remind me  
__Of what I really am_

_It's not like you to say sorry  
__I was waiting on a different story  
__This time I'm mistaken  
__For handing you a heart worth breaking  
__And I've been wrong, I've been down  
__Been to the bottom of every bottle  
__These five words in my head scream  
_"_Are we having fun yet?"_

_Nickelback: Silver Side Up, 2001_


	11. Chapter 11

Medley:

Chapter 11

**My Last Breath:**

_I'll miss the winter  
__A world of fragile things  
__Look for me in the white forest  
__Hiding in a hollow tree (come find me)  
__I know you hear me  
__I can taste it in your tears  
__Holding my last breath  
__Safe inside myself  
__Are all my thoughts of you  
__Sweet raptured light  
__It ends here tonight_

_Evanescence: Fallen, 2003_

The next day Sam woke up feeling more refreshed and calm than she had in a long time; she was actually looking forward to the day. Arriving at the office shortly after Vivian and a little before Elena she noted that Jack was already in his office and intently working. Deciding there was no time like the present to begin her new 'life' so to speak, she marched resolutely to his office and knocked on the glass. When he looked up and motioned for her to enter, she pushed open the door, walked in and took a seat across from his desk; they'd worked together for too long for her to waste time on formalities.

"Jack, I want to transfer out and into White Collar. The other day I heard about an opening and I've decided that I want it." There, she was done, it was out there and there was no going back. Surprisingly, Sam didn't feel anything but calm and collected.

"Sam, good morning, why?"

"Good morning, and because the job will have more regular hours, it's safer overall and will allow me to more easily raise my child. Also, it's time – no, it's way past time I do something about my feelings and about who I want to be with and the only way to do that is to transfer out from your command."

Jack pinched the bridge of his nose while he collected his thoughts, Damn, this is going to be harder than I thought.

"Uh, Samantha, while I agree with the thoughts you have on the hours and the ability to raise your child, the part about being with who you want to be with has me concerned. Sam, we're over. We have been for a long time and it's time you recognize that. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but---"

Samantha's laughter stopped Jack in mid-sentence. First of all, he couldn't remember the last time he'd heard her laugh and second of all that wasn't the reaction he had expected.

"Jack, I'm sorry for laughing, truly I am. It's just—" Sam stopped and collected herself. "—It's just that I know we're over. I've decided and accepted that we are over and I'm no longer afraid to admit it to myself or you or anyone else who cares to ask. We're over as anything other than colleagues and when we can be, friends."

"I'm confused. Why the bit about the only way you can be with who you want to be with is out from under my command? I figured you meant that it wouldn't be improper conduct."

"No, well, yes, it wouldn't be improper conduct, but no, that's not what I mean. What I mean is I've realized that Martin is the man I am happy with and was the happiest with and who I want to be with and I want to prove to him that he has nothing to worry about, that I'm not spending all day at work pining for you and then with him outside of work. I did that to him before and I'm not doing it to him again.

Also, while I know he'd be willing to raise this child and love this child and he'll think of this child as his own, I want to show him that I've made a sacrifice in my career for a family, our family, for a real life outside of work. I believe taking a job that is less demanding and less dangerous will enable me to do that as well as show him I mean it when I say I want to get back together."

"Wow, that's quite a change from earlier in the week when you were---" Jack stopped before he inadvertently slipped and told her he knew about her fight with Martin.

"Yeah, well, I guess having some time away from him and having some pretty determined friends," Sam nodded her head in the direction of the bullpen and Jack looked up to see both Elena and Vivian at their desks working, "finally got me to get my head out of the ground or sky or wherever else it was and realize a few things."

"Well, thank heavens for good friends." Jack added neutrally, inwardly smiling as he thought that he was one of those friends and he'd make sure she never knew that he, with the help of Mr. Braxton and his disappearance, had managed to orchestrate a little away time for Sam and Martin.

"Yes, and speaking of that, I'd like to take those two good friends to an early lunch today. We're going to leave at 11 for an 11:30 lunch reservation that is unless we catch a new case."

Jack knew better than to argue the fact that Sam hadn't really asked but rather told him what she planned but at this moment he didn't care; she was happy finally and hopefully this really would be the start of a new direction for her life, she deserved it.

"No, problem, in the meantime I guess you will all finalize your reports. I'm expecting some news from Utah in the next few hours anyway; the local office will probably have met up with Danny and Martin sometime this a.m. so you three should be able to go to lunch with no worries."

**11:45 a.m. NYC/9:45 a.m. Base Camp, Utah:**

Jack was quietly working through the never ending paperwork of his job when the phone rang.

"Malone"

"Agent Malone, I'm Emmett Grenz, incident commander at the Abajo Fire."

"Good to talk to you, I hear the weather is starting to give you guys a break out there."

"Yes, thankfully the front has arrived and it brings cooler temps, lots of moisture and the wind has died down; we'll make headway now."

"Good." Jack figured now that the pleasantries were out of the way they'd get down to the meaning of the call. He didn't figure the incident commander at the scene of a wild fire would be calling him just to let him know the local FBI team had arrived, something was up.

"Agent Malone, this is a call I have no desire to be making and I'm going to expect you would like the professional courtesy of me getting straight to the point so here goes---" With that Grenz took a deep breath and began: "Agents Taylor and Fitzgerald are currently unaccounted for."

Jack was silent for a moment then what the hell!

"What happened?"

"Here's what I know so far….

_8:00 a.m. Base Camp_

_Base Camp was its usual flurry of organized yet highly energized activity. Trucks and jeeps bounced over the ruts in the now muddy road that was becoming muddier by the hour as the welcome rain continued to fall, men and women hurried from tent to tent, unloading supplies or trying to catch a nap or something to eat. _

_Inside the main communication tent Grenz was pouring over a map with some of his assistants while division chiefs updated him on the fire on a conference line. One of the people manning the communications called across to Grenz:_

"_Chad Putnam's on the line; he needs to talk to you privately and immediately."_

_Grenz nodded and, leaving one of his assistants in charge of gathering the information, grabbed the indicated phone._

"_Grenz here, what is it Chad." _

"Sir, we got a problem up here, those two FBI agents and Jeff Pierce are unaccounted for." 

_Shit thought Grenz, this we don't need._

"_How the hell did that happen?" Grenz didn't mind snarling at Putnam, he knew the man could take it, even if he was just a survey guy and not a full fledged fire fighter; he'd worked with him long enough and respected him, it was mutual._

"_We got the order to bump up double time late yesterday, I sent Pierce back down to get the two agents who were a couple hundred yards below us with Zak Christian checking some of the burned area. A while later I saw Zak working on the line but we were too busy dealing with falling snags and hot spots that were jumping up all around._

_I'll admit the rest of the night was just spent staying ahead of the flames and keeping the line from jumping over the north coverage and keeping it turned to the south where we knew it would basically just run off the side of the mountain into that section that burned earlier this season._

_It wasn't until just before dawn when we caught a break and I was able to have everyone check in. Christian came running up to me and told me that he and the two agents found clear evidence of arson at the spot they were at before they got bumped up and he wanted to get someone there as quick as possible to preserve the site. I told him to take the two agents and go back down. _

_He told me that while he'd passed Pierce late yesterday and Pierce had told him he'd get the two agents and bring them up, he hadn't seen any of them since then so did I know where Pierce was._

_Well, I hadn't seen Pierce so we both went tromping through our crew and discovered they weren't there. I had the other crews on either side of us check but they've got everyone accounted for and nobody extra. Other crews down the line are being passed the message but I don't hold out for much hope, if they went any farther to the south they'd be right in the thick of it and …_

"I had all the Division commanders check with their crews and after they all got back to me, no one has seen them." Grenz explained to Jack remembering the pit that had opened up in his stomach at the thought of those two agents running headlong into a firestorm, Pierce was a good man, he'd known him a long time and knew the man could handle himself but the FBI agents might be confident and secure in their own element, but with the Beast breathing down on them, cracking and chasing them intent on devouring them, at best they'd find their charred remains, at worse, nothing.

"Once I confirmed that no one either had seen or had the two agents or Jeff Pierce—"

Jack heard a commotion in the background on Grenz' line and waited as he heard some muffled talking as Grenz likely put his hand over the receiver.

"Okay, Malone, we got a little development here. Mike here says he saw Jeff Pierce climbing into one of the camp jeeps around 2 a.m. our time and heading down off the mountain. Said Pierce looked fine to him although there wasn't anyone with him."

Jack got an extremely bad taste in his mouth and sensation in his stomach as the puzzle pieces clicked into place. "Grenz, what time did the order go up to Putnam to 'bump up' as you called it?"

"Let me check – Mike!"

Jack waited a moment and then Grenz was back on the line.

"About 4 p.m. local."

Damn Jack thought. Shit. Damn. Hell. Oh--Fuck!

"Grenz, Pierce is the man who kidnapped Braxton."

"What!"

"Yeah, we got David Braxton back safe and sound yesterday. Seems Pierce kidnapped him and left him tied up in a building that was scheduled for demolition, good for Braxton he made enough noise when the final walk through happened and he's alive. Says he's got proof that Pierce is the arsonist that's been causing a lot of these so called control burns to get out of control. My men and I were exchanging just this information at or about 6 p.m. local or 4 p.m. your time yesterday.

If this Pierce guy heard me talking to my agents and I'm betting he did, they were using the speakerphone of their cell…"

"Then I've got two murdered FBI agents on my watch." Grenz finished the thought that Jack couldn't.

Shit, Hell, Damn and Fuck! Grenz thought.

"All right." Jack began having regained some measure of control over his thoughts, "I'll notify the local field office to contact you directly. They'll need the information on the jeep that Pierce was driving. I'll be out there later today."

"You're coming here?"

"Those are my men that are missing, damn straight I'm coming there."

"I'll have search teams in the field and a grid map ready by the time you get here. It's going to be tough going though, the rain is helping but the areas that recently burned are now a dangerous mix of falling snags, burning trunks that are hidden just beneath the surface or unstable sections of ground that will either slide out from under you spinning you down the slope of suck you down trapping you in the mud and in some cases, burning slurry.

I'll have a man I trust waiting for you at the Monticello airport. He'll bring you straight here and we'll bring you up to speed."

"My agents are smart, Grenz. They'd have followed the safety instructions you gave them." Jack wasn't sure who he was trying to reassure at this point.

"They struck me as capable, Malone, but if you've never been in a firestorm, you have no idea. I'll be looking for you later today."

As the call disconnected Jack looked out toward the now empty bullpen, it was just past 11:30 a.m., he'd have to page Vivian and get them all back here; this was not going to be pretty.

Vivian drove as fast as she could short of putting on the dashboard and windshield light of her car. Since Jack's phone call briefing her about Martin and Danny's disappearance and the fear that they had gotten caught in the firestorm, she had been using every deflecting technique in her considerable arsenal to keep from telling Sam and Elena the news, the problem was that this time the people she was using those techniques on knew all of them and kept trying to circumvent her.

"Viv, just tell us, what is this big break in the case and why does Jack need us back so fast that we couldn't even wait for them to finish making our lunches and get them as take out?" Elena asked.

"Yeah, and why does he need us. I though we were turning the case over to the local field office in Utah. If that's the case and he needs them briefed, he has all the material he could do it and get one of the receptionists to special courier the information there by first thing tomorrow." Sam added, grabbing for the dashboard and the overhead strap as Vivian took the upcoming curve rapidly.

"And, why are you driving like this, why is it so imperative that we get back immediately?" Sam added.

"Because when Jack thunders get here now, we get there now. You two know that just as well as I do. Now be quiet while I concentrate on not being angry about missing a wonderful lunch." Vivian hoped that perhaps if Sam and Elena decided she was just as upset about missing lunch they'd leave her alone.

Ten minutes later they parked back in the garage and were ascending to the 12th floor in the elevator.

The moment the bell dinged and the door open Sam and Elena marched rapidly to Jack's office while Vivian followed a step behind, this wasn't going to be pretty.

You two boys better not have gotten yourselves hurt again. I can't go through this twice, I won't. Viv silently sent across the miles.

Sam and Elena were on the balcony, retreating to the solitariness of that spot and yet comforted by the presence of the other. Jack's words still rang in their ears:

_Martin and Danny are missing._

Neither agent was sure what Jack had said after that. Their eyes had automatically flickered to the large television screens that were on in the bullpen and for some unidentifiable reason those screens showed a video loop of the fire raging out of control and now of rain falling and portions of the fire beginning to subside. Without talking, both women had edged closer together drawn by their mutual pain and fear.

Now standing on the balcony Sam was bitterly replaying the happy scene that less than an hour ago she had shared with Vivian and Elena:

"_Ladies, I propose a toast," Sam said cheerfully holding up her glass of milk – something that she had reluctantly asked for and now was determined to gag down somehow._

_Vivian and Elena raised their glasses of iced tea to join Sam's._

"_Here's to good friends and new beginnings."_

"_Here, here."_

_The women clinked their glasses and proceeded to take a sip. Settling their glasses back on the table Vivian looked at Elena and then at Sam. _

"_So, what's the big occasion?"_

"_I told Jack that I'm putting in for a transfer." Sam announced happily. Then she frowned as she watched Elena trade glances with Vivian, concerned, troubled glances._

"_No, no, this is a good thing. As I told Jack, now I can prove to Martin that I'm serious. I'm serious about fighting for him and for me and now he won't have to worry that I'm spending my days with Jack and somehow living out my unrequited fantasies with him in the office. No, a clean break, a complete break, this is what I need. It's what we need." And for emphasis Sam patted her belly that was showing a bit of a bump._

"_So then, does this mean that you've decided that perhaps 'nice' guys are for you?" Elena asked hopefully, sneaking a peek at Vivian._

"_Yes, I've decided that while there is a certain thrill with having a dangerous affair, I've done that and in the end all that got me a reputation and loneliness. Also, it's time to get away from Jack and all that he represents as well as high time I paid attention to the other really important person in my life."_

_At both Vivian's and Elena's confused, raised eyebrow looks Sam let out an exasperated sigh._

"_Baby of course, I have to start thinking about what is best for him, or her. So, I heard about an opening in White Collar coming up and I told Jack this morning that I wanted a transfer there. He agreed to put in a good word for me. I sent in my application this morning while we were supposed to be finishing our reports, the hours and the type of work will certainly be more amenable to a working mom than MPU."_

It was right about then that Vivian's phone had rung and while Sam knew that whatever had happened to Danny and Martin had likely happened over 18 hours earlier, it didn't stop it from seeming like all of her hopes and sense of peace were swept away the moment Vivian returned to the table looking disturbed and somber.

Now Jack was on his way to the airport, Vivian was on the phone to the Utah office and she and Elena were---Sam stopped her thoughts, looked at Elena and saw the other woman looking at her. The resolve she felt grow inside her was mirrored by her friend and fellow agent's look. They were agents and they would get through this, their friends, their colleagues and, Sam added hopefully to herself, the man whose trust she was determined to regain needed them and they'd been outside on the balcony long enough. It was time to get back to work.

The two women returned to the familiar hum of the bullpen and joined Vivian at the conference table.

"Viv, what do we know?" Sam opened.

"There's an APB out on Pierce with a description of him and the vehicle he was driving. The state police are already at the local airport checking to see if he took a plane out of there. We've got flags on all his credit cards and banking cards as well as any known cell phone so the instant he pops up on any of those screens, we'll have a location."

"What we need is the name of the person behind all of this." Elena interjected. As Vivian and Sam stared at her, Elena decided to elaborate.

"Look, Jack is on his way and he'll work with Grenz and the crews there to find Danny and Martin; there isn't anything we can do to help them. Pierce is being hunted by everyone in law enforcement in Utah and in the FBI; our help isn't needed there either. What we can do and what we three have the knowledge of that no one else has is everything that Braxton and Pierce and their colleagues think and know and do. I say we spend our time trying to find the person behind the fires."

Vivian and Sam considered her words for a moment and then nodded approvingly.

All right. Sam thought, We have a plan. Work will make this bearable. Martin, you think I don't know you but I do. You might be far away and I bet you didn't spend the last day very comfortably, but if I know you, and I do, mister, you'll have spent it working on this case. So, I'm going to do the same. And when you get back, things will be very, very different.

Comforted a bit with that thought Sam grabbed a portion of the formerly boxed up files and began again searching through the data for that one missing link that all these fires contained, besides Jeff Pierce.

**My Last Breath:**

_Hold on to me love  
__You know I can't stay long  
__All I wanted to say was I love you and I'm afraid  
__Can you hear me?  
__Holding my last breath  
__Safe inside myself  
__Are all my thoughts of you  
__Sweet raptured light  
__It ends here tonight_

_Evanescence: Fallen, 2003_


	12. Chapter 12

Medley:

Chapter 12:

**My Immortal**:

_You used to captivate me  
__By your resonating light  
__But now I'm bound by the life you left behind  
__Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams  
__Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me_

_  
__These wounds won't seem to heal  
__This pain is just too real  
__There's just too much that time cannot erase  
__When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
__When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
__And I've held your hand through all of these years  
__But you still have all of me_

_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
__And though you're still with me  
__I've been alone all along  
___

_Evanescence: Fallen, 2003_

Dawn came in a gray, drizzly, foggy, damp way. The air smelled smoky, ash covered everything and now with the addition of the rain, the ground was fast becoming a gray slippery, mess.

Danny woke first, cold and stiff, the blisters on his feet reminding him quickly of his situation. He remained still for a moment trying to put all the pieces together. He heard the patter of the rain overhead and remembered he was under a shelter. He heard the sound of breathing other than his own and felt the presence of another next to him and remembered that he and Martin had taken shelter together in their makeshift tent.

Breathing deeply he smelled the smoke and damp ash and then felt the tickle of a cough that began in his lungs and rattled his chest and windpipe and try as he might to stifle the rattle he began to cough and shudder. He sat as upright as was possible to stop the coughing and after a second had it under control. Glancing back he noticed Martin shift a bit but then settle back down; the guy was exhausted.

Not sure of what he'd find Danny plucked up the edge nearest him and peered out, everywhere he could see which wasn't much he saw gray, mist, rain and more gray. Sliding carefully out from under the shelter he stepped into the awakening day. Standing to his full six some foot height he stretched enjoying the sensation of releasing some of the tension from muscles and joints and hearing the satisfying pops as his neck and back cracked and straightened.

After a minute of stretching and straightening as best he could in his gear he felt the call of nature and trudged off to take care of that bit of business. Returning to the shelter he looked around again and noted that everything was smeared with ash and little rivulets of ashy deposits were winding their way across the terrain. Mother Nature was already trying to wash away the destruction. He wanted to rub the grit out of his eyes but his hands were still so grimy that he knew he'd only manage to smear more in, man how he wished for a toothbrush.

Tilting his head back and opening his mouth he managed to suck down some of the precious water that was falling from the sky, Don't know about getting it any fresher than that he thought wryly as he swallowed the second small mouthful. The short walk and now standing on his feet reminded them that his blisters needed to be attended to. Looking around he realized the best place to do that was underneath their makeshift shelter and as much as he wanted Martin to get some rest, they needed to fix themselves up and get out of here.

Stepping to the shelter he gently lifted the edge again and looked straight into the blinking eyes of his formerly slumbering partner.

"Morning, sweetie."

Danny grinned, now that was supposed to be his line.

"See, I told you, one night with the Dannyman, and they all want more." He retorted enjoying the shake of Martin's head and the flash of playful irritation that was sent his way.

In a few minutes Martin had basically copied Danny's earlier routine and the two of them were once again perched under their little shelter. Both had saved their little first aid kits when Putnam had had them repack certain essentials on their person, thankfully the kits were part of those essentials. It wasn't easy maneuvering under the little shelter but they managed to clean as much grime as possible off their hands by holding them outside of the shelter and then using their t-shirts as towels, having unzipped their coats and loosened their brush shirts. Now with their hands as clean as possible they carefully cleaned and dressed the blisters as best they could and, using some of the moleskin that came in the kits, fashioned some cushioning before slipping their socks back on and then pulling their boots back on. It wasn't great but it would help the blisters from getting any worse, well, it might.

Finally with that little bit of care out of the way they plundered the rest of their pockets and found that they still had some energy bars and a little trail mix as well as some MREs containing crackers and peanut butter. It wasn't much but both men opted for the crackers and peanut butter and managed to wash it down with some of the water that Mother Nature was providing.

"Mm-mm, Danny, you sure know how to treat a date."

"Yeah, well, for you, my outdoorsman guy, only the freshest water and nastiest tasting of freeze dried concoctions. At least I --- tailor my meals for my – uh, my---"

"Your what, Taylor and is that Taylormade meals or tailormade meals?" Martin stared at Danny and could have sworn that underneath the layer of grime there was a little flush of---yep, Danny was blushing. Martin chuckled, that was a first.

"Yeah, well, just never mind. Let's get the hell off this mountain." Danny huffed and then proceeded to pack up their shelters, folding them as carefully as possible and then realizing that they were stuck with carrying them as there wasn't any way to loop them over their backs or anything. Oh, well, it was all the protection they had and neither man was willing to part with the very items that had saved their lives.

Both men stood there, folded shelters clutched in their arms and then stared around them trying to think of the best direction to go. While down seemed logical the problem was that very shortly they would be into a heavily wooded area, well at least formerly it was wooded and that meant lots of falling snags, up meant the same thing, in fact, any direction really meant heading into danger. Both men remembered the direction that they had been led by their so-called guide and remembered the rocky outcropping.

"I'm thinking it's probably best to try to find some better protection before the wind really picks up. We were fine last night since the wind didn't really rattle anything but this area is too exposed, if those snags start falling they're likely to tumble right down on top of us."

"I agree, mi amigo. Back the way we came." Danny stepped quickly ahead of Martin and they both used their memory of the direction they had come to try and find their way back.

After about ten minutes both men were decidedly foot sore, their boots rubbing viciously even with the added layers they had provided. Also, the falling rain made for very difficult progress as they slipped and slid back up the hillside trying to angle their way up. They hadn't gotten very far when thudding sounds started to be heard. Stopping and standing still they listened and heard it again and then after a moment another.

"The wind is picking up. I think those are trees falling." Martin said.

"Me too. We'd better find some shelter and fast."

The two men were just inside an area that yesterday had been heavily populated with trees, now the ghostly remains of those trees stood or lay all around them. Struggling forward they continued on their slippery mission. Another 20 minutes of tense pushing brought them both to another small group of rocks but the area was too small to protect them.

"Nothing looks like I remember." Danny said.

"Same for me, I'm not even sure on the map where exactly we are." Martin agreed letting his gaze sweep all around him.

They struggled further but the elements were definitely against them as the wind started to whip down the mountain and the rain started blowing in their faces. The steady crash and thud of snags falling sent tremors of fear through both men as they imagined the next one to be their last. Finally Danny struggled to the top of a rise and saw exactly what they were looking for, protection.

Martin appeared right next to him in the next breath and both men ran full out for the safety of the rocky outcropping. This one wasn't the one they had come by the day previous in their mad rush to escape the fire, truth be told, neither man knew where that one was, but this one did have a large flat spot over which a substantial overhang offered protection from the falling debris, branches and even some of the rain that was falling.

Reaching their new sanctuary both men stooped down and crawled under the protection afforded by the rocks and huddled on the ground to sit out the next round Mother Nature seemed ready to hurl at them. Deciding to use their shelters in the next most logical manner, protection underneath and over them they spread one on the ground and wrapped the second around them and then pressed as far back under the rocky ledge as possible and watched as the wind whipped the rain across their field of vision. There would be no search party for them today that is if anyone thought they were alive.

After close to an hour of just sitting and watching with amazement alternating with fear as trees appeared on the side of their vision tumbling down the hillside and the noise seemed all encompassing, Danny leaned close to Martin's ear and yelled: "So, Nature Boy, is this enough for you?"

"Yeah, I'll take the subway at rush hour any time now. I've had enough of this!" Martin sent back, he truly had had enough of this assignment.

"Make you wish for the days of White Collar!?"

"Don't knock it, man, regular hours, nicer accommodations and travel; your favorite coffee shop on every corner, you'd like it!" Martin grinned despite the circumstances.

"Maybe I should look into it!" Danny shot back.

"Yeah, well, I heard there's an opening; guy like you; no problem!"

"Maybe I should—hey, what do you mean "guy like you" what's that all about?"

"Hey, you're hip, smart dresser, well accept for that jacket when Elena was undercover, and then there was that orangish and brown striped tie last week, what the hell was that?"

"Oh, that's nice, you talking to me about ties, I remember a certain striped one---"

"Hey, don't get me started, blue boy, you wore a pale blue polka dot thing, who picked that out?

"Hey, I killed in that tie!" Danny sent back.

"Yes, that's true, you did." Martin said solemnly, "You killed the eyesight of every person that had to look at that hideous thing."

A shift in the wind sent a stream of rain right under their shelter and straight into both men's faces instantly causing them to start blinking furiously trying to clear their eyes and coughing to clear the ashen, gritty moisture that coated their faces and dripped into their mouths.

"Okay. That's enough on fashion, me thinks Momma Nature no likey our talkie." Danny quipped trying to find something to wipe his mouth on and finally giving up the battle.

Both men leaned back and allowed the shelter they had wrapped around them to settle and cover their faces against the elements. Leaning against the cold, rough rocks they were grateful for the cushioning provided by their gear and the bit of warmth created by their bodies but still, both longed for a hot shower, steaming coffee and the blare of taxicabs, it would be a welcome return to some sense of normalcy.

After close to an hour had passed, and the weather showed no sign of improving although the roar of the falling snags had lessened a bit, Danny had nearly drifted off to sleep when he heard Martin ask:

"Why do you stay?"

Confused by the abruptness of the question, Danny thought for a moment.

"Why do I stay in MPU?"

"Yeah, you've been doing that for what, seven or eight years now, right?"

"Yeah, let's see, yeah, that's right, I was with the team almost a year and a half when you came on board, so yeah, a little over seven years."

"Well, before that you were in NYP, right, and studying for the bar, so why do you stay?"

"I don't know. To be honest my schooling is so rusty I don't think I could pass the bar and lately being a lawyer just isn't what I though it would be anymore, especially since that lawyer turned everything around with Carlos and made Elena seem like the baddie and now Carlos is free and clear."

Martin thought about that for a moment. He'd never wanted to be a lawyer, never wanted to be in politics; never wanted any of those so-called prestige jobs that his father and mother had always planned for him. True, he could do them, he wasn't all bad at politics but he just didn't have a taste for it. He liked the more hands on, the more earthy part of the work; he had Bonnie to thank for that.

"Okay. So no Taylor and Associates in your future, but you've never looked into counterterrorism or civil rights or major theft and violent crimes, why missing persons?" Martin pressed.

"I don't know, Martin, I really don't. I could say I like the work, and I do even though so much of it is finding out the worst about people and then not even having a happy ending once that's done. I mean, it's not like I was missing and then found and that's why I do it – because someone looked for and found me. I guess—I guess it's just where I fit in and I love the team, to be honest, the team is really what makes it work for me. I don't know what I'll do when Jack finally decides to leave.

"Maybe you should take his job." Martin nudged.

"Nah, let Vivian have it, or you – you'd be great at it. I like being the soldier that's who I am and I like it. I'm good at it and I understand it."

"Yeah, there is something to be said about understanding what you like and do and who you are." Martin added thoughtfully.

Both men settled into silence again as the wind and rain continued, occasionally interspersed with the loud thud of another snag falling. After another prolonged period of time had passed Danny suddenly spoke up having spent that time thinking on Martin's words.

"Are you thinking of leaving?" He hoped not, surely Martin wouldn't be that upset over Sam and Jack and whatever the hell was going on with them to decide to leave the team.

"No, you're not getting rid of me that easily. No, I was just wondering why you stayed because to be honest, there isn't anywhere else I want to be either, especially now." Martin answered.

"All right. I don't want to be breaking in another partner anytime too soon—especially now?" Danny turned to look and noted a light in Martin's eyes. "Give, Fitzgerald, you've been holding out on me."

"Yeah, I guess I have. All right, so here's the deal. Remember I said I've been doing some thinking and I said that I could get a date anytime I wanted to?"

"Yeah." Danny said slowly.

"Well, the fact is that there is someone I'm interested in and she's just in the process of moving to New York City to start her new job."

"Really, and who would this be, where did you meet her, how long have you known her, come on, man, stop holding out on me!"

"Her name is Holly Bennett, I met her at an FBI training seminar about six months ago, and we've been emailing and calling each other off and on since then. She's moving to NYC and doesn't know anyone there and I've been wondering if I should try to make something more of it than just casual friends and I've decided that I'm going to go for it, especially since I'm pretty certain she'd like more."

"So she works for the FBI?"

"No, she doesn't, she's going to work for the Chief Medical Examiner's office. She's a forensic pathologist. I met her when I went to that seminar on crime scenes and autopsies earlier this year."

"Uh, forensic pathologist, great, Martin, she sounds great." Danny wasn't sure what to think of someone who dealt with dead bodies all day.

"I know, it sounds dark, but Holly is anything but dark. She loves to hike and she's a runner. She's a big sports fan anything from cycling to soccer, to football, basketball and baseball. She loves to cook, she dances. She reads everything from trashy romance novels to the latest self-help book to autobiographies and the classics. She also paints watercolors. She likes to paint light, happy, sometimes just fluffy or whimsical watercolors and they're really good."

Danny thought about that last part. He'd been at Martin's about a month ago and had seen a watercolor painting in a simple frame hanging in his kitchen. He hadn't thought anything about it but now…

"She says she keeps so many outside interests to help separate her from her work and while she's all play when it's time to play, she's all work when it's time to work, and she loves the work because to her, everyone needs a voice and since the dead no longer have theirs, she's their voice."

"Sounds like you really like her." Danny was more encouraged, Martin was very animated talking about this Holly person. Still, he'd have to meet her and decide for himself.

"Yeah, I do, and yes, I can hear you thinking over there, I'll let you meet her. Actually, she emailed me just before we left and she said she was looking forward to NYC because of all the great clubs for dancing and that she wanted to learn how to dance the Salsa so we could go dancing together."

Danny burst out laughing. The though of Martin dancing the Salsa had him laughing out loud; he recovered as quickly as possible.

"I'm sorry, man, but she has met you, right?"

"Yes, she has met me and yes, she knows I don't dance the Salsa which is why she asked if I'd take the classes with her."

Danny was stunned; this Holly was coming on to Martin! He was so shocked he pulled the shelter off from their heads and stared Martin straight in the eye; Martin didn't flinch.

"She's totally coming on to you!"

"I know. I like it. I got her email the night I got home after Sam and the whole Lamaze coach scene. I was so angry and hurt and --- I don't know but then I opened my email and there was her message and I thought, this could be really great, and I do like her, however, I didn't want to treat her the way I felt Sam treated me. I don't think Sam meant to treat me as her transitional guy or her way of getting over Jack but in the end that's just how it became and it was an awful position to be in and I didn't want to do that to Holly so I didn't answer her.

Being away from the office, having time away from Sam and Jack and all that has given me time to clear my head; I'm ready. I'm ready for a change, and Holly is nothing like Sam and in other ways she's very much like Sam. She's driven in her work like Sam but she doesn't feel compelled to prove herself and fight every battle on her own. She's smart like Sam but she's also not afraid to be goofy and let her guard down. And yes, 'Mr. How does she look!' She looks nothing like Sam. She's taller, has reddish brown hair that's just to her shoulders and the greenest eyes you could ever imagine.

"So, once you learn to Salsa, I take it you and Holly and Elena and I will be hitting the clubs?" Danny challenged, relieved to see a light in his friend's eyes that hadn't been there for a long, long time.

"You're on." Martin sent back feeling a complete sense of contentment. He'd been thinking of Holly for a long time but with Sam there daily he hadn't been able to let go of the possibilities and even when she revealed she was pregnant he still had clung to some old-fashioned hope that she would turn to him and they could reignite what had been. All along he'd been communicating with Holly and she even knew that he'd been hurt, he hadn't told her everything other than it was someone that he worked with and that it hadn't gone well but Holly had been great and she understood having been there herself.

When she announced she was moving to NYC to take the job with the Chief Medical Examiner's office he'd been thrilled and torn at the same time but once Sam had made her feelings and intentions towards him crystal clear and yes, sometimes the piano on the head was really necessary, he'd paid more attention to his thoughts on Holly and realized that they had such an easy rapport with each other and they'd never even held hands. He knew so much about her childhood and growing up and her outlook and – and that was the kind of intimacy he wanted as well as the physical kind.

He didn't know if he and Holly had a chance at anything other than a great friendship but he was going to give it everything he had and he was smart enough in the whole dating dance ritual to know that one does not offer to go to dancing lessons and then out dancing the Salsa with someone without intending a little deeper hint. He was looking forward to getting home and calling her up, he might not even wait until he got to New York; he'd call as soon as he got to a phone.

While Martin sat thinking on Holly and the possibilities of a new beginning Danny sat next to him content that his friend had found a new outlook. They'd been through a lot, as friends, as partners and as a team especially in the last two years but now it seemed that everyone, well almost everyone, was headed in a good direction, he and Elena, Martin and perhaps this Holly person, Martin finally figuring out his and Sam's relationship.

The rain continued to fall keeping both men damp and cold and effectively assuring them of another day and night alone on this wretched hillside but both men were content in their minds that Mother Nature was doing a bit more than just washing away the scorched earth, something deeper and more personal, especially to Martin was being cleansed away and he was coming back to life.

**Bring Me To Life:**

_All this time I can't believe I couldn't see  
__Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me  
__I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems  
__Got to open my eyes to everything_

_Wake me up inside  
__Wake me up inside__  
Call my name and save me from the dark  
__Bid my blood to run before I come undone  
__Save me from the nothing I've become_

_Without a thought, without a voice, without a soul  
__Don't let me die here there must be something more  
__Bring me to life_

_Evanescence: Fallen, 2003_


	13. Chapter 13

Medley

Chapter 13:

**Missing**:

_Please, please forgive me,  
__But I won't be home again.  
__Maybe someday you'll look up,  
__And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:  
_"_Isn't something missing?"_

_You won't cry for my absence, I know –  
__You forgot me long ago.  
__Am I that unimportant…?  
__Am I so insignificant…?_

_Isn't something missing?  
__Isn't someone missing me?  
__Even though I'm the sacrifice,  
__You won't try for me, not now.  
__Though I'd die to know you love me,  
__I'm all alone.  
__Isn't someone missing?_

_Evanescence: Anywhere but Home, 2004_

Sam stood at the window of her apartment staring out at the night skyline blanket wrapped around her shoulders to ward off the chill she couldn't seem shake. In the background the Evanescence tune, Missing, played and she found herself listening and identifying with the haunting, mournful words. As the song played and she listened, really listened to the words she felt a burning behind her eyes.

My, God, was this how Martin felt – feels? Does he feel insignificant, unimportant to me? Sam cringed as she realized the answer was plainly yes. How would she have felt if it had been her and the man she was with hadn't been willing to share their relationship with their friends, colleagues, even family but insisted it be kept hidden because he didn't want people to talk about him for 'just sleeping with someone.

Sam finally realized, really realized how much she'd hurt Martin. In her efforts to protect her own fragile ego and self-worth she'd hurt the one person who'd never looked at her with anything other than respect, friendship and perhaps – Sam hoped – love.

So they'd broken up—well, he'd broken up with her and in her hurt and rejection she'd spurned him. She never once tried to initiate reconciliation not during those few weeks after the break, not after he'd recovered from being shot, not after he'd allowed her to help him with his addiction and not even a year after he'd admitted and sought help, no. She'd barely treated him as a friend and now, when she needed him, really needed a friend she'd even screwed that up so caught up in her foolish fantasies of something that really never was and never would be and in so doing she'd betrayed the one man that had truly been the best thing in her life.

Martin, I do cry for your absence and I am missing you tonight. Come home and please, please forgive me. Sam pressed her hand against the window pane and leaned her forehead on the cool glass and stared out into the night. Despite all the progress they had made during the day, and it was a lot, there was still no word on the location of Martin and Danny – no word on whether they were even alive or dead.

_Earlier that day_:

_With Jack on his way across the country the three women spent the rest of the afternoon trying to figure out who was behind the fires. Pulling out all the material they organized it once again into workable stacks. They had folders on each of the fires that Martin had identified out of Braxton's notebook as well as stacks of information on all of the survey members; then there was information that had been newly gathered on Jeff Pierce and they had requested urgent responses to the information they hadn't thought they would need having passed it on to the Utah office prior but now bank records, cell phone records, credit card reports, work evaluations on Jeff Pierce were all flowing in to their office as well. _

_Trying to identify the person behind the fires was going to require someone with inside knowledge so Elena contacted David Braxton at his home in the city and he had agreed to come in and help. Prior to his arrival though, Elena had taken a few minutes to contact Silvia and fill her in on Danny's current situation. Slipping into Jack's office she'd used his phone and when she'd emerged from Jack's office about 20 minutes later she was a littler paler and with a little redness to her eyes. _

_However, once Dave Braxton arrived, she straightened her shoulders and got right to work with him; she had her job to do and weeping wasn't going to help anyone at that moment, besides, her man was fine, there was no reason to weep._

_While they were working in the conference room Vivian and Sam were going through Jeff Pierce's financial records and phone records trying to identify a pattern that might tell them who he was in contact with. Vivian noticed Sam staring at Elena when the raven haired agent emerged from Jack's office after calling Silvia but didn't pay any more attention to it at the time. _

_Sam periodically touched base with the Utah office giving them summaries of their information as well as seeking information on the road blocks and the manhunt currently underway for Jeff Pierce. His photograph had been posted at all local airports and his credit cards and bank cards had tracers placed on them, as soon as he utilized any electronic means of accessing cash, they'd have a location, same with his known cell phone. _

_They had caught a break with the foul weather out in Utah, although that was currently hampering any rescue efforts for Martin and Danny that very same weather also halted any small flights in and around the area so the FBI both in Utah and in New York were fairly certain Mr. Pierce hadn't hopped a plane anywhere as state police had hit all the small airfields within easy distance of the Base Camp and none had had any flights out since Pierce's disappearance from the mountain._

_After going through the material a pattern had started to take shape and Vivian noticed calls being made to a phone number over the past two years around the times of the fires in 2004, Blanco, and 2005, Long Jim, and again that same number appeared right before the fire in Utah._

_Sam similarly found ATM and credit card activity coinciding with the times of the phone calls that indicated Pierce had been in Missoula which was where the phone calls were made to._

_Just then Elena and Dave Braxton came out of the conference room and joined them at the conference table in the bullpen._

"_Mr. Braxton has pointed out an interesting fact that links all the files from his journal, something that he hadn't noted at the time." Elena nodded toward Dave who was looking a bit chagrined._

"_I don't know how I missed it. I was so focused on my survey team and trying to pinpoint who on my team may have been involved that I missed the fact that all of the fires that got out of control occurred not only where my team was conducting a survey but also where in the previous couple of months a large number of firefighters had been laid off."_

"_So, someone was using the controlled burns that you and your crew were arranging as a way of making a political statement?" Vivian asked her eyes narrowing._

"_I think so. I also think I know who it might be." Braxton added. "His name is Todd Hastings. He used to be a firefighter, he'd travel with my survey team as well as other crews; he was part of what's called a hotshot crew. These crews are highly trained and they travel from fire to fire instead of staying in a local area like the regular crews."  
_

"_So his presence at any of these fires over the years wouldn't be suspicious." Sam spoke up while holding the list of fires that Braxton had indicated were suspicious, the same list that Martin and Danny had focused on._

"_That's right. But in 2001 he got caught in a firestorm, him and his whole crew, by the time rescue crews were able to get up on the ridge where they'd been caught, he and his brother, Jason, were the only survivors. Jason didn't live for long though, he was burned so badly and what they didn't amputate to try and stop the infection was so badly deformed by the blaze---" Braxton trailed off, the agents could tell that by the expression on the man's face that he'd been there, he'd seen the dying man._

"_In the end it was the damage to his lungs from the searing heat that killed him. They filled up with fluid and essentially he drowned. Todd wasn't ever the same. He was always a bit of a wild man anyway but once his little brother died that was just the end of him. He never fought in another fire again but he'd show up at them and help out, usually trucking in supplies and stuff and always going on and on about bureaucracy and how they cut the funds and weren't properly supplying the teams."_

"_How is that two brothers ended up on the same team anyway, would that be something that wouldn't be allowed?" Elena asked._

"_It can be real tough keeping track of those things, Agent Delgado. First off, Todd and Jason were both in an elite group of firefighters. There aren't a lot of hotshot crews out there and sometimes you take the personnel that are available. Furthermore, Jason and Todd weren't on the assigned crew that day; no one really knew why Jason was there as his crew was assigned to another location. _

_Took a while before that mystery was solved, seemed Todd and Jason had a little bet going as to who could outwork the other on the line and since neither would believe what anyone else told them about how the other had worked they fixed it so they were on the same line that day by browbeating and paying off another member of the team to switch off to Jason's team and Jason took his place on Todd's team." David Braxton stopped talking as his eyes widened and his face showed the shock as he realized who that person was._

"_Mr. Braxton, what is it?" Vivian asked reaching out and laying her hand on the man's arm._

"_Pierce, Jeff Pierce was that man." Braxton shook his head in disbelief. "That's why he does whatever Hastings tells him that's why he willingly sets those fires for Hastings, he's doing his penance; he's atoning for being the one who was saved while Jason died."_

**Present, Samantha's apartment:**

The mournful tone of the Evanescence song faded away and Sam continued to stare out the window in sorrow. Sometimes this job didn't make any sense. One man was mourning the loss of his brother, crying out for help and nobody saw it, nobody saw his agony, his hurt, his despair and he was so driven by his grief and pain that he turned his back on all that he believed in and all that he'd committed his life and his strength to and now was doing the very thing that he'd trained and worked so hard to fight; it made no sense.

Further adding to the confusing emotions was the fact that, when the Montana field office was contacted and with the help of the state police descended upon Hastings' house and arrested him, he actually watched them drive up to his house from where he sat on his front porch, as if waiting for them, and then, when the cars pulled into his driveway, he walked right up to them and held out his hands to be cuffed. So much destruction, so much pain and in the end, he surrendered without so much as a whisper of animosity.

Not that Samantha and the others weren't relieved but still after all those years of rage it was as if he just quietly accepted the inevitability of it all and, when faced with the final reality he simply gave up all fight.

By the time that news had reached them it was already after 7:00 p.m. on the east coast. Elena left shortly after that once she'd extracted a promise from Vivian and Sam that they would notify her as soon as anything was heard about Danny and Martin. Another hour had gone by with still no word other than Jack phoning to say that he had arrived in Monticello and met some guy named Mike and was being driven to base camp as they were speaking.

He congratulated them on being able to narrow down the information and track down Hastings and was relieved to hear that Hastings was in custody at least he'd be able to give Victor that piece of news. Sam and Vivian had shared small sad smiles, both women relieved not to have had to shoulder that burden but also very much aware of the agony that was being felt by others outside their little circle of agents.

By the time 8:30 rolled around Vivian insisted Samantha head home for the night; they'd done all they could and more. The Montana office had been incredibly grateful for the assist and had lightly teased that perhaps the missing persons unit would be able to help the ATF units solve more arson cases since they'd been so quick to find the link. Vivian accepted the compliment but reminded the Montana office that they'd had David Braxton helping them and, if it wasn't for his work over the past several months of even linking those fires together, they wouldn't have gotten this far.

As soon as Vivian had disconnected she mentioned it to Sam and they both realized that, if it wasn't for David Braxton's work at linking the fires together in the first place, he'd never have been the victim of a kidnapping which brought them all to this place now anyway. Both women struggled with that logic or lack of logic as they headed out and home for the night.

Walking away from her window Sam went to the kitchen and cleaned up her assortment of dishes from her supper, eggs, toast and salad; perhaps not the best of meals but it was all she could do to swallow each bite from it.

As she got ready for bed and then settled under the covers with the light off she wondered first how things could get so complicated and then chided herself as she remembered she used to be the one who said she wanted complicated, liked complicated messy things. That Sam was so naïve, so inexperienced and so caught up in foolish romance and lustful youth and optimism that this Sam hardly recognized her anymore.

And then the next thought that assaulted her was how connected so many things were, if Todd and Jason Hastings hadn't bet each other who was the harder worker and hadn't, in essence, forced another team member to switch teams would they have both survived the fire? And if so, would that mean that the six arson cases that Braxton had come across would never have happened? Probably not. Which means that Braxton would never have been kidnapped and Danny and Martin wouldn't have ever gone to Utah and --- and I wouldn't have had time away from Martin and time with Vivian and Elena to figure out my head and realize what an idiot I have been but then again, Sam thought, the boys wouldn't be missing and I wouldn't be lying here tonight wondering if I'll ever get the chance to say, I'm sorry. Please forgive me.

Sam lay awake the whole night trying to untangle the simple and the complicated and found no easy answers.

**Missing**:

Please, please forgive me,  
But I won't be home again.  
I know what you do to yourself,  
I breathe deep and cry out,  
"Isn't something missing?  
Isn't someone missing me?"

Even though I'm the sacrifice,  
You won't try for me, not now.  
Though I'd die to know you love me,  
I'm all alone.  
Isn't someone missing me?

And if bleed, I'll bleed,  
Knowing you don't care.  
And if I sleep just to dream of you  
I'll wake without you there,  
Isn't something missing?

_Evanescence: Anywhere but Home, 2004_


	14. Chapter 14

A/N: Thank you all for the wonderful encouragement and feedback. I wrote this to explore the M/S relationship (or rather the lack of one in recent seasons) and to help me emotionall [yes, I'm obsessed to 'get over' them as a couple. I started this rather angry at Ms. Samantha Spade, if you've read Hindsight and/or What Comes Around, well, you're quite familiar with my anger. However, as I explored Sam's character and tried to understand her I found I could no longer stay angry and while my original intent was to make sure she got her comeuppance in a most public, humiliating way, in the end, I found I too had grown and could no longer be mean.

So instead I give you what I hope is the middle ground, the vague, unsure, somewhat gray territory that---well, that is best expressed through Seether's song, Broken, and sung so wonderfully with Amy Lee of Evanescence.

I make only half-hearted apologies that the MP case is abruptly and rapidly wrapped up and that our boys time on the mountain is quickly closed, the voice and heart of this chapter belongs soles to M/S and everything that needed to be said and done to lead up to their 'moment' had already happened.

So thank you again for the encouragement and support, I give you the final chapter of this my most challenging undertaking to date.

Laurel

Medley:

Chapter 14:

**Broken**:

_I wanted you to know that  
__I love the way you laugh  
__I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away…  
__I keep your photograph and  
__I know it serves me well  
__I wanna hold you high and steal your pain._

'_Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
__And I don't feel right when you're gone away  
__You gone away, you don't feel me here, anymore  
___

_Seether: Disclaimer, 2002_

It was late by the time Jack finally arrived at Base Camp. He'd had a chance to converse with the team back in New York and to hear that they had managed to capture the man behind the fires, of course, that still meant that Jeff Pierce was on the loose but the Utah and Colorado teams had combined to work with the states' police forces to shut down the man's escape.

He'd had a couple of conversations with Victor Fitzgerald during his flight, as well as on the drive up to Base Camp and each time he could hear the controlled yet evident concern. He was a bit surprised to learn that Victor had taken the time to contact Silvia Alvarez, Danny's sister-in-law, to relay his concern for Danny and to assure her that the Bureau was doing everything possible and did she need anything.

Jack and Victor had certainly had a rocky professional relationship over the years but once Jack realized that Victor truly did care for his son, and Victor realized that Jack for all his free swinging tendencies as an agent wasn't out to hurt his son's reputation or use Martin for his own gains, the two men had settled into if not a friendly professional relationship then at least a cordial one.

The time when Martin had been shot and nearly killed had shaken Victor to the core and Jack as well – not that he'd ever admit that to anyone—and the two had added another layer to their association. At least this time, Jack thought, Victor didn't blame him for Martin's disappearance and while it was obvious the man wanted to join in the search he knew his place was in D.C. where no doubt he was trying to wrest a satellite to hone in on the area and assist with the search.

Jack knew that would never happen, Victor had ties but not that kind.

Jack stopped his musing as he realized that Mike, the 'trusted man' Grenz had sent to pick him up, was stopping the truck. Looking through the windshield Jack took in the lights shining from the gas powered generators and saw several vehicles and many tents, large and small, set up in a cleared area. Getting out of the truck Jack pulled the hood of his jacket over his head to keep out the chilly drizzle that continued to fall and leaned back in to grab his 'ready bag.'

Following Mike he ducked under the tent flap and entered the command center of Base Camp. His eyes swept the interior, noting the maps, the electronics and the presence of half a dozen personnel on phones or poring over maps on a nearby table. A tall, muscular man with graying around the temples and three-day old stubble that was speckled with some gray approached and extended his hand.

"Emmett Grenz, you must be Supervisory Special Agent Jack Malone."

Jack returned the strong grip, "It's Jack if it's all the same to you."

"Good, around here things change fast and if anyone has to spout that moniker more than once, well, you'd likely be left behind." The twinkle in the man's bloodshot eyes told Jack plenty; this was his kind of guy.

"So, if things change so fast around here, any chance my agents are found and as we speak be transported down off the mountainside?" Jack knew that was unlikely but he wanted to let Grenz know right away that he was ready to get down to business.

"No such luck. The drizzle that greeted you at the airport and then again all the way over here combined with the wind earlier today and the fog has kept all aerial maneuvers grounded today. Other than a few reconnaissance planes that were able to scout the fire, we weren't able to do anything via air.

Good news however, the latest Doppler radar shows this front passing through over night and we'll be airborne in the morning. I have choppers standing by that will be in the air as soon as conditions allow which look to be just after dawn.

I've had crews working to clear a road of sorts so that some of our vehicles can get up to the last known whereabouts of your agents. We'll head out at first light, until then I've got a tent, well it's the same tent your agents used when they got here and Mike put their bags that they brought with them in the tent before he left to pick you up. We outfitted them in new gear for being on the mountain so their personal stuff is still here."

"Great, so I take it there's really nothing to be done tonight?" Jack asked frustrated at the inability to get right into work mode.

"Unfortunately Jack, the best thing for right now is to go get what rest you can and we'll start at dawn. The weather and the dark are still against us and there just isn't anyway around that."

"Right. I guess I'll go make myself comfortable." With that Mike escorted Jack out of the tent and gave him a quick tour showing him the various facilities, managed to sneak him a sandwich from the mess tent and then left him at the tent that was assigned to him for the night.

Hours later Jack still lay awake on the canvas cot his mind on his missing agents and wondering what tomorrow would bring. As the rain continued to beat a monotonous tone on the ceiling of his tent he wrapped himself tighter in the heavy blanket and wondered how Martin and Danny were faring this the second night of their disappearance, and as the night wore on and Jack caught snatches of sleep his mind never strayed from his concern for his agents nor his rock solid certainty that they were, in fact, still alive.

The next morning Danny and Martin woke at the same time, actually, neither had slept much; mostly they just huddled miserably on the cold ground, backs pressed to the cold rock with their shelter acting both as weather break and blanket. They were cold, tired, hungry, achy and thirsty and most of all eager to put an end to this their latest assignment and not only leave this particular mountain, but the state that it stood in.

Daring to peer out from behind their meager weather break they were encouraged to see the transformation that had been wrought overnight. While the sun had yet to fully emerge from beneath the horizon already the sky was lightening and they could see that the sky looked to be devoid of clouds and there was no more rain, nor did it look like any fog or mist remained at ground level.

Emerging from beneath their protective rock they both stood and slowly stretched and straightened stiff and protesting joints and limbs neither giving voice to their usual teasing banter as both felt wretched.

"Well, I've got some trail mix that I'll trade you for." Danny offered after he and Martin had complete their morning 'personal routine.'

"All right." Martin agreed and dug into his jacket pocket. "Let's see, yep, here you go." And the two men tossed the bags in the air each catching the other.

"Great. Trail mix." Danny commented as he pulled open the bag and started to munch on the contents.

"Mm-mm good." Martin agreed.

The two men stood and crunched the contents of their bags until they had swallowed every last morsel.

"Sure wish we'd had something to catch some more of that rain in." Martin said after swallowing the last of his peanuts.

"I agree." Danny said as he tried to work some moisture back into his mouth.

"Well, I'm all fueled up, what say we hike out of here." Martin eyed Danny who lifted his eyebrows back at him in agreement and then they both looked all around them surveying their choices.

"What do think, Martin, maybe—uh, down?"

"Down is good. I like the idea of down."

Both men began their slow journey down the mountain, each footstep a painful reminder since their feet had nice blisters at their heels and Danny had a doozy of one, he just knew it, on the top of his little toe on his left foot.

As the sun slowly rose above the horizon intent on shining its light on the gray hillside two lone figures stumbled and limped slowly down the terrain, from above they were barely visible as their ash covered, mud covered gear blended into the ashy gray surface over which they trod.

It was a little over an hour later, and barely a mile of stumbling over hidden stumps and rocks that the two men heard the faint yet unmistakably constant thump, thump, thump of a helicopter. Well aware that they were filthy and likely to blend into the terrain they grabbed their signal mirrors that were safely stowed in their jacket pockets and caught the rising sun's rays and reflected them back into the sky.

As they stood there desperately signaling for help the steady thrumming of the helicopter continued closer and closer until finally it appeared and headed straight towards them, no doubt, honing in on the flashes of light. The chopper came closer until it was above them seeming to need a visual authentication before it moved off to a distance and came lower to the ground, finally a man appeared off the side of the chopper and within seconds he had rappelled to the ground, a heavy pack on his back.

The chopper moved away as the figure on the ground signaled and then it hovered while Martin and Danny slowly made their way to the newcomer who quickly moved towards them.

"Hey, are you Agents Fitzgerald and Taylor?"

"That's us, I'm Danny Taylor and this is my partner, Martin Fitzgerald."

"Well, we've got a whole camp full of people who are going to be glad about that."

Their 'rescuer' quickly radioed to the waiting chopper that they had indeed found the two agents and the chopper responded in a message neither Martin nor Danny caught but they watched as it quickly dipped down and then disappeared down the hillside.

"He's headed down to direct the rest of the search party our way. We can't land a chopper here, too much debris and we can't get a vehicle up this far so we've got to make our way down about another mile to where we can get a vehicle to transport you the rest of the way down."

Their new 'friend' came with supplies, he was a medic and he brought food and more importantly water. While cleaning their feet and bandaging them and checking to ensure they had no other injuries or ailments they consumed a quart each of water and slowly munched some peanut butter sandwiches and apples that he had brought with him.

By the time it took for them to eat and drink and have their feet tended a half an hour had passed and they had only gotten underway for about 15 minutes past that when Jim's, as their guide/medic/rescuer/ and bringer of food and water was called, radio crackled and both agents heard the familiar voice of Emmett Grenz growling across the airwaves.

"Jim, it's Grenz, we're probably less than a quarter of a mile from your known position, hold there and we'll meet up and help you get those two down."

"Roger that."

Gratefully Danny and Martin folded themselves back down onto the ground and waited and sure enough, in less than 15 minutes they saw a group of figures trudging up the hill towards them. Shielding their eyes against the sun that was directly in front of them and still slowly ascending into the sky Martin and Danny grinned as they made out the familiar figure of none other than Jack Malone struggling through the ashy terrain.

When he appeared to trip over an unseen rock or stump or branch both men stifled chuckles and quickly looked down pretending not to notice, wouldn't do to tick him off just when he'd brought them food and water and could still very well leave them behind as he was likely now to count them as his two most expensive and notoriously troublesome agents.

**Later that afternoon, Base Camp**

After the rescue from the mountain, some well-deserved showers, shaves and more food and water and a more in-depth physical exam both men were pronounced none the worse for their ordeal and while they were more than a little footsore, that would pass with time and both agents were only too happy to return their 'borrowed' yet life-saving gear and don their personal clothing, especially their own broken in boots.

Danny had been given the use of one phone to call Elena and Martin another to call his father and both recipients were not only greatly relieved to hear their loved ones' voices but readily offered to spread the word that both men were alive and well and would be returning with Jack the next day.

As for Jeff Pierce, he'd finally been located trying to cross into Arizona on Interstate 191. Martin and Danny were shown his picture and readily identified him as their 'guide' who had led them astray and into the path of the inferno and since Hastings was already in custody and seemingly drained of all his hatred, broken and dispirited the case was going to be relatively easy to prosecute although Martin and Danny's presence would be required when, and if, it went to trial.

As it was they gave their statements to the local agents and along with Jack drove away from the mountain before dusk that evening, chauffeured once again by the able and trusted Mike to the Monticello airport where, through the efforts of Victor, no doubt, a plane was be waiting to transport all three agents across the country over the nighttime hours.

**Two days later: Martin's apartment.**

Martin was at home reading a book and enjoying a couple of days' down time that both he and Jack agreed was well-deserved. The knock on his door surprised him; he hadn't been expecting anyone. Swinging his feet to the floor and standing up he walked to the door and peered out the peephole and saw Samantha.

Stepping backwards he quickly unchained and unlocked the door and swung it wide.

"Hi, this is a surprise." She gave him a small smile but looked him square in the eye, something lately he'd noticed she didn't do anymore, usually her eyes just slid across his face; they didn't settle and hold his gaze like before.

He stepped back and indicated for her to come in.

"Yeah, I – I decided not to call because I was afraid that, if I did, either you would tell me not to bother or that I might hear something in your voice and misinterpret it and then scare myself out of coming here." Sam babbled the words rapidly as she entered Martin's apartment.

"Okay. Do you want something to drink?" Martin closed the door behind her and gestured for her to take a seat.

"Yeah, water would be great, thanks." She gratefully took off her coat and then settled into a chair, her coat folded across her lap.

Martin returned from the kitchen with a glass of water and then he sat in another chair facing her.

She took a sip of water, really stalling more than anything and watched as he just looked at her, curious but nothing more.

"I wanted to come by to first of all tell you how glad I am that you're all right." Sam started with something easy hoping the jitters she felt would calm a bit as she got going.

"Well, thanks, I appreciate that but you already told me that over the phone."

"I know. I wanted to say it in person. I also wanted to tell you that I've been doing a lot of thinking while you were gone and I've made some decisions about my life and who I am and what I want and who I want." Sam emphasized the last who and looked him deeply in the eye hoping to see some reaction from him but there wasn't any; it was as if he was nothing more than curious and not a part of this discussion.

"Okay. Well, that's good. I guess now that you have a baby coming it's probably good that you get some things settle---why are you telling me this?"

"Martin, I'm telling you this because I realized, finally realized that what I've wanted all along but hadn't admitted to myself was everything that you offer and what you and I could have had before if I had been less afraid of what everyone else would think."

Sam stood up needing to walk around a bit as if by the very nature of physical movement she could demonstrate the emotional movement she'd gone through recently.

"Just listen, when you said what you said to me that night in the office after the whole Lamaze thing, I was hurt. I was hurt and I was angry and I blamed you for being stuck on yourself and shallow and—and the truth is that I was the one that was stuck on herself and shallow and foolish and living a fantasy a make believe something, I'm not sure what to call it."

Sam stopped her pacing and stared at Martin, he was looking at her intently as if weighing the conviction of her words. She turned slightly as she gathered her thoughts again and her gaze swept across his desk, there was a picture of her in the center of the back of the desk. It was a picture of her sitting on the step of her building looking down the street. It was a picture that at the time she hadn't known he had taken as he'd gone out for a run and had come back, seen her sitting there and used his phone to snap the picture and then downloaded it.

It was an unguarded moment and she used to hate the picture although Martin loved it. He said it captured all of her that he loved, her vulnerability, her poise, her softness. He'd said when he looked at that picture he saw sorrow yet contentment, he saw vulnerability yet steadfast strength as she was looking forward, outward not down or defeated. The fact that she had no make up on and her hair was a tangle in the wind only added to the dimensions that he liked as he said there was no mask, no fakery there, just the bare essence of a person whose spirit is swirling and in turmoil but she sits still with grace and poise amidst the storm.

She'd laughed at him and called him a hopeless romantic and had made him promise to hide the picture and after that whenever she'd come to his apartment although she looked, it was nowhere to be found. She smiled sadly as she walked to the picture and gently touched the simple, delicate frame that it rested in. He must have decided that, since they were no longer together, he could do what he wanted with the picture since he wouldn't have to listen to her complaints.

She felt tears sting her eyes as she realized that of all the things he could have done with the photo, he'd kept it, in fact, he willingly displayed it where he could look at it daily. He placed it in the most visible place on the desk where he could purposely avoid looking at it if he chose but where it would easily be seen whenever someone walked into the room whether from the door because they had to walk behind it to hang up their coat, or from the kitchen, or from the hallway that led to the bedroom, this picture was in the most visible spot in the apartment.

As she turned back to Martin she noticed something that she'd never seen before and that looked strangely out of place in Martin's apartment, a watercolor painting. It was not matted and framed nor hung; it simply leaned against the wall at the back of the desk behind the lamp. The colors were pastel and light and airy, the setting was a park with ducks and water and the silhouettes of a man and a woman and a dog strolling along as an artist painted them.

It was simple and bright and Sam felt herself smiling without even thinking about it. She wondered what had possessed Martin to bring this into his home since, while he wasn't an art snob by any means, it just was so—so not Martin.

Curious about the painting but wanting to finish her talk with Martin more she turned to face him only to realize that he was standing right behind her watching her. As she looked into his deep blue eyes she saw the tenderness there that he'd used to have in those eyes when he gazed at her and she felt a flush of warmth in her belly. She knew her eyes at that moment were reflecting the same depth of feeling back to him.

He took her hands and held them gently as he looked into her eyes and this time she didn't look away; she wasn't afraid.

"Sam, I don't know how to say this without being insulting or---I don't know. But, I know that sometimes—we both know that, when times are urgent or we think the worst or there's a crisis, that people don't necessarily think or feel or understand---"

Sam shook her head. "I think you're about to say that the reason I'm here saying these things is because you were lost and no one knew where you were or if you were all right, right?"

He nodded relieved to see she wasn't angry.

"Martin, it's important that you know that I realized what a fool I'd been and how cruel I'd been before the news came that you and Danny were lost. Oh, yeah, when you left I was angry, but then Elena and I had a real talk, a real girl talk and I started thinking about some things and well, Vivian helped me see some things as well about myself, things I wasn't very proud of. I did a lot of thinking while you were gone.

I need you to know that when the word came that you and Danny were missing I had already handed Jack my transfer papers so that you and I would be in different divisions and not complicate our relationship and Elena and Vivian and I were at a lunch that I was treating them to as a thank you for kicking some sense into my thick head. You see, I knew that you were the man I want; the man I need; the man I am willing and ready to fight for before I heard that you were in danger."

"Sam, I –I don't know what to say to you; it's just that—"

"What, it's just what?" She was confused, the look in his eyes was of caring and concern and there was a warmth there as well but there was—sadness? What? It hit her as she watched his eyes focus on something just behind her and she turned and then she saw it, of course, the painting, the painting of the man and the woman in the park. She looked at it more closely and noticed that although the rendering of the figures allowed for many interpretations as watercolors tend to do, the hair on the woman had a soft hue of red, the length was to the shoulder and the woman was tall, almost as tall as the man.

Turning back to Martin she saw that he had followed her gaze and as she looked at him and saw the gentle smile on his lips and the lightness in his eyes and –and perhaps something more she knew. Sam knew at that moment as only a woman can know that there was someone else.

She stepped closer to the desk, reached forward and gently lifted the painting from its place and held it in front of her studying it. She turned and looked at Martin and saw him watching her. Still looking at him and knowing there would be something there, she turned the painting over and looked at the back, there written in ink was an inscription: Martin, a memory of our day in the park. I hope you will enjoy the memory as much as I. Holly

Tears stung her eyes as she held the painting and absorbed the meaning behind those words. Gently setting the painting back in its former place she turned back to Martin and reached up to touch his cheek. He leaned slightly into the softness of her hand and she smiled at him in sadness at what could have been and should have been and perhaps someday might be but not today.

Leaning forward Martin gently kissed her on her forehead, the kiss a promise of friendship and a promise that no matter what he'd always be there for her. Then he stepped away, went to the chair she had been sitting in and picked up her coat. Sam followed him and waited as he held her coat out for her and then assisted her in putting it on.

They walked the few paces to his door and he opened it for her and she stepped through it and turned to look at him and he was looking at her. She smiled and lifted her hand in a wave and he returned the gesture and then as she looked down he closed the door. She stood there listening as the door clicked close and then heard the snap of the deadbolt engaging and the chain sliding into place. She stood there for several minutes unable to will herself to move down the hallway.

On the other side of the door Martin stood silently, his hand and head pressed against the door listening for Sam's footsteps.

**Broken**

_The worst is over now  
__And we can breathe again  
__I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away  
__There's so much left to learn  
__And no one left to fight  
__I wanna hold you high and steal your pain_

'_Cause I'm broken when I'm open  
__And I don't feel like I am strong enough  
_'_Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
__And I don't feel right when you're gone away_

'_Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome  
__And I don't feel right when you're gone…  
__You gone away, you don't feel me here anymore_

_Seether: Disclaimer, 2002_

December 2007


End file.
